


The Red Dahlia

by Carola_dl



Category: Thor (Movies)
Genre: F/M, Lokane week 2018
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-14
Updated: 2018-10-23
Packaged: 2019-08-01 21:59:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 28,817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16292579
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Carola_dl/pseuds/Carola_dl
Summary: It was only two days ago - but that small wooden cottage, the smell of baked onions, the bathtub filled with cold water and his elusive smile seems to belong to another era, to another woman.





	1. A door for survival

**Author's Note:**

> Hello,
> 
> This multichapter fanfic was created specifically for the lokane week. So I will post one chapter every day during this week.
> 
> The first chapter, for the first day answers to the prompts:
> 
> DAY ONE: Science and Magic: Books · Doorways · Illusions · Infinity Stones
> 
> (Warnings: It gets smutty in the following chapters but not yet)

**Chapter 1** : _A door for survival_    

                One finds domestic bliss in the strangest places, in the strangest company, under the strangest stars. She still treasures those memories, even when they are mixed with the metallic taste of rejection – and yes, she feels a little bit betrayed – but she also feels like a betrayer when she closes her eyes and sees _him._

Sometimes, when she sits alone in her chambers, she thinks she can still feel her veins pulsating with a fire that isn’t entirely hers. She knows the aether is gone – there are no more fevers, no more hallucinations, no more soothing cold fingers – and she laughs, a little bit maniacally, because for a fleeting instant, she misses the fear, and the danger, and the ecstasy.

It was only two days ago - but that small wooden cottage, the smell of baked onions, the bath filled with cold water and his elusive smile seems to belong to another era, to another woman.

Everything started with a red demon and an oak door.

+++

_One and a half year ago_

The red power pulsates inside of her, like a living consciousness sharing the dressing of her mortal meat. She can feel the fire in her veins, but its ferocity seems contained. Nothing hurts, but she stills feels its presence.

Everything is still and quiet in the royal chambers, but the calm has an eerie undertone, as if any word or sigh could crumble the walls of the palace. Jane stays silent, and her muscles ache with the petrifying tension. She sets her eyes on the oak door and doesn’t dare to look away, she won’t be caught unaware in such a dire situation. At her side, Frigga also waits – but there isn’t fear in her expression, only the courageous and proud semblance of a queen.

War rages outside that door and _they wait and wait and wait_ , hoping once it finally opens, an Asgardian smiling face will greet them. Jane tries to avoid thinking about the other possibility, the possibility of a group of Dark Elves killing the two Einherjars that watch the door and bursting into the chambers, with their expressionless masks and their pointy daggers. She tries not to think about what that would mean, but a traitorous voice chants in her head: _death, rape, death, rape._

Wasn’t she just weeks ago in the boredom of her lab, where a tragedy was an impossible enigma and the lack of funding? How did she end up here, a damsel in distress in the middle of a palace siege, hiding from an enemy and with a liquid devil inside of her?

Frigga grabs her hands, squeezes it in a friendly gesture. ‘I am here’, it’s what she says with her gesture, and Jane is thankful that she isn’t saying ‘everything will be fine’ or any other empty promise. They both remain silent, petrified in front of the door. They still hope once it finally opens, an Asgardian smiling face will greet them.

She doesn’t know how many hours they wait, but when the door opens, the unsmiling face of Thor greets them.

Jane rushes to him, kisses his lips with urgency, hangs her arms around his neck – and he tastes different. He tastes like exotic spices, cold mints and citrus. He doesn’t answer with the passion she expects and she knows in that exact moment that they haven’t won, that he doesn’t bear good news. When she steps back, he isn’t even looking at her. He’s looking at his mother.

“Mother, we need to go now, fast.”

Something like recognition or understanding shines in Frigga’s eyes. “Oh, son. Where would I go? My place is here, by your father’s side.”

He grits his teeth in a way Thor has never done before. There’s an anger in his eyes that’s deeply disturbing, as if he has seen too much, suffered too much, and lost too much. They’re the eyes of a stranger and that realization shocks Jane.

 “He will lose! Malekith will win just because he was too proud to realize he wasn’t just a myth!” The feral shout contorts Thor’s normally friendly face. Jane takes a deep breath, intimidated by his rage. “If you stay here, he will kill you.” He says, in a softer tone, almost desperate.

“I won’t leave Asgard.” Frigga says, shaking her head. “But you must! Take Jane with you. Protect her. Make sure he doesn’t find her.”

“He will kill you!” He screams again.

“We know how to protect ourselves.” Frigga says, unflinchingly. “Take her with you, Loki.”

Jane gasps in surprise. She looks at Thor, trying to find some evidence that would confirm Frigga’s words. But doesn’t she already have her proof? His tongue tasted like spices, mint and citrus; his eyes still scream in a feral anger. Jane takes a step back, trying to put distance between herself and the deranged brother.

“You.” She whispers, in an accusing tone.

He turns to her, opens his arms and drops the illusion, reveling his true face. “Ta da!” He exclaims, as if this were just a game. Her cheeks blush with mortification, remembering how she had kissed him so unabashedly. He immediately notices her embarrassment, “Wishing for another kiss, mortal?”

She grits her teeth. “Don’t flatter yourself. I didn’t know it was you.”

He shakes his head and looks at his mother, “Truth is I wasn’t expecting such a warm welcome.”

Frigga ignores his mocking words, more concerned about the war and the short time they have left. “Go, Loki, go.” Frigga says, her eyes look at him as if she were trying to memorize every contour. “Save yourself and save her.” Frigga adds in a whisper.

Loki takes a deep breath as he nods.

Before Jane can react, Loki appears behind her, his fingers digging into her shoulder blades with more strength than necessary. She opens her mouth to complain, but a buzzing in her ears and a rush of air and light distract her. Suddenly, she feels she can’t breathe – it only lasts two seconds but it’s enough to leave her trembling. She falls to her knees, suddenly dizzy.

When she looks up, she isn’t in Asgard anymore.

Her eyes are tearful, as if she had dust in her tear ducts. Loki steps back, releasing her shoulders and looking smug. Jane watches him in silence, still trying to get used to her bearings. “You kidnapped me.” She knows she’s being unfair but accusing him of evil is a sweet revenge.

He steps in front of her with a raised eyebrow. “Didn’t you hear my mother? I have just saved you!”

She shakes her head but doesn’t contradict him. There’re more pressing matters right now – For example, where is she? She looks around, studying her surroundings. It’s a small room without windows – a cellar, probably – and it’s filled with old books and odd gadgets. Suddenly, a high-pitched sound – like an alarm – starts blaring. Loki rolls his eyes and with a wave of his hand, the sound disappears.

In the silence, they start hearing some rushed steps and suddenly, the wooden door opens and a dwarf steps into the cellar room, pointing at them with something that looks like an antique pistol. The anxious expression of the dwarf turns into relief when his eyes find Loki. Jane would’ve never imagined that anyone in the nine realms would feel relieved to see Loki, but she supposes he can’t be everyone’s enemy– not when Thor still loves him so dearly.

“Oh, it’s you.” The dwarf says with a sigh. “Can’t you knock on the door like a normal person?”

“I would, but our arrival needs to be kept in strict secrecy.”

“You’ve gotten yourself into trouble, again. Why I am not surprised?”

“It’s not my fault this time, Marvin.”

“It never is.” The dwarf called Marvin says, but his smile is friendly. He looks at Jane, “Who is she?”

“She is of no importance.” Loki says, severe.

Marvin chuckles, “I wonder if she thinks the same.” The dwarf walks towards her. “Hello, little one. I am Marvin, it’s a pleasure to meet you.”

“Likewise. I am Jane Foster.” She says, ignoring the little jab at her small stature, especially coming from a dwarf. She turns to Loki, “Where are we? What are we doing here?”

“We’re in Marvin’s library, in Svartalfheim. Books for every occasion, he has quite a collection of rare books.”

“Svartalfheim?” Jane asks and her muscles tense. He took her to Malekith’s realm. Does he intent to offer her to Malekith? No, that would’ve been as easy as pushing her into the arms of one of the elves that were attacking the palace.

He doesn’t say anything, but there is something in the way he looks at her that tells her to keep quiet.

“Yes, Svartalfheim. Why does that surprise you? You think there aren’t any dwarves left in this realm? Most emigrated when the Dark elves invaded, I will give you that, but there are some of us who still resist. No one is going to kick us out of our home.” Marvin asks, indignant. Jane nods, her head still reeling. Marvin crosses his arms and turns to Loki, “We’re still waiting for your father to save us. The supposed protector of the nine realms.”

Loki squeezes his lips when he hears the word ‘father’ but he doesn’t deny it. Jane guesses he decided it wasn’t the moment to revel weaknesses. “I’ll share your complaints with him next time I see him.”

“Yes, do that. I heard you were rotting in a cell in Asgard. A prince in a cell of his own realm, one doesn’t hear that every day.”

“Odin’s punishments are becoming more creative every day and I have always been too mischievous for his taste,” Loki answers with impatience, “but I haven’t come here to catch up. I came to purchase a book.”

“A book?” Jane asks, confused.

“Well, yes, Jane, a book.” Loki says with a big smile, “I thought you of all people would understand the value of a book.”

“I have a lot of books, Loki. You will have to be more specific.” Marvin says, touching his glasses.

Loki smiles mystically, “The Red Dahlia.”

Marvin frowns, “The musings of that crazy wench?”

“Do you still have it? The original one, of course.”

“Of course I still have it. It’s gathering dust on the shelf. You’re the first one to ask for it.”

“You will give it to me for a good price, then?”

“Five hundred pences. Take it or leave it.”

“Five hundred pences for a book nobody wants? It’s quite overpriced.”

“You want it. And you’re a prince. Money has never been an issue with you.”

Loki sighs, exasperated, but he doesn’t seem angry and in that exact moment, Jane knows he will buy the book. The question is: Why is it so important? Why did he stop to buy a book while Asgard was invaded and his family in danger?

 

+++

Besides the book, Loki also purchases a cape and uses its hood to hide his face. They leave through the back door and Loki takes her through extremely narrow alleyways covered in layers of snow. She’s surprised to see that she doesn’t feel cold, even when she isn’t properly dressed for the snow. They turn several corners and cross multiple dark streets only to find the same buildings of black bricks and small windows.

“Are you lost?” Jane asks, tired of walking without any sense of direction. And she’s pretty sure they have been in this street before – probably even three times.

“No.” He doesn’t even turn to look at her. “Flatestein is a very confusing city for those who don’t know it. A defense against undesirable outsiders who get lost in this maze of brick streets. Fortunately for you, I know it well.”

She’s a little bit relieved by his words, “Well, so… where are we going?”

“To a motel. Somewhere where _you_ can rest.”

His answer makes her stop in her tracks. “Tell me you’re kidding. We can’t sleep now. Asgard is being attacked… we can’t just leave them!”

“We’ve already left them. Can’t you see we are not in Asgard anymore?” Loki points at the sky with evident sarcasm. “The absence of a sun doesn’t tell you anything?”

Jane opens her mouth and looks at the sky, “I know we’re not in Asgard anymore, but... Wait. I assumed we were in the middle of the night.”

“It’s always night in Svartalfheim. The planet doesn’t have a sun.”

“That’s not possible. How can this planet sustain life if…?”

“I don’t know and I don’t care.” He turns another corner and Jane sighs in exasperation, following him closely.

The new street at least looks different, wider and with higher buildings. It reminds her to Diagon Alley but she doesn’t share her impressions out loud, knowing Loki wouldn’t appreciate it.

The gears in her mind are already turning, trying to find a solution to her situation. She doesn’t feel safer here with Loki than in Asgard’s palace. She knew Frigga’s intentions were good – she still hopes for her son’s redemption, but Jane isn’t so positive. And it isn’t a good sign that the first place where he decided to take her was their enemy’s home. She wants to believe Loki isn’t planning on handing her to Malekith, but her confidence is wearing thin. Still, accusing him is probably not a good idea right now.

“So what’s the plan? I hope you have a better answer than just ‘rest for the night’.”

“Can’t we delay the conspiratorial discussions until we are under a safe roof? Don’t make me remind you once again that we’re on Svartalfheim, hostile territory.”

They turn another corner and arrive at another street of black bricks and lampposts of stark lights. They all look identical. A middle-age woman, rotund and unkempt, sits against the cold wall. For Jane, Dark elves are warriors with white masks, soulless monsters following their ruler – not very different to orcs – so seeing a homeless woman, a normal citizen that lives in evident misery, pierces her heart. She eyes her, forgetting to be discreet, her mouth half open in surprise.

The female elf stands up when Loki passes by her side and asks him for some coins. Loki, of course, ignores her. The woman turns to Jane with the same question, but Jane can’t do anything but shake her head with sad eyes. She doesn’t have money on her. The woman, desperate, grabs Jane’s arm.

“Please, just some…” The woman drops Jane’s arm as if it burned her, and when Jane turns around, confused by the brusque movement, she realizes that her skin has actually burned the elf. The woman looks up at Jane’s face and whatever she sees frightens her to death because she steps back, her mouth hanging open. “You monster!” She exclaims before running away, as if the devil were chasing her.

Jane stops, breathing deeply and still confused by what has just happened. She closes her eyes, trying to calm the burning nervousness that devours her insides. She opens her eyes and looks down, the snow under her boots is melting. When she looks up, Loki is in front of her, so close that she can feel his breath in her cheeks. He’s looking at her with an intensity that startles her.

“Your eyes are red.” He says, drily.

“I am burning.” She whispers. Before, she couldn’t feel the cold of the snow but now, she’s suffocating under her own heat.

Loki frowns and, without asking for permission, he places a hand against her cheek. She feels the cold of his hand soothing her burning skin and she moves her cheek against his palm, demanding a caress. She closes her eyes and tries to compel Thor’s image in her mind, hoping that the guilt of reacting to his brother’s touch as an animal in heat would convince her to push him away.

She finally finds the courage to step back. When she opens her eyes, Loki is still looking at her with scrutiny. Jane wonders if he’s looking at her or at the monster that lives inside of her.

“Don’t be so harsh on yourself, little mortal. It’s the aether what makes you feel…” He smiles, leaving his phrase unfinished and Jane’s thankful, because she isn’t ready to hear it out loud. “Now, stop drawing attention to yourself or we will never arrive at our destination.”

His comment breaks the tension and Jane snorts in a very unladylike manner. She shakes her head and continues walking.


	2. Cold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For Day 2 of Lokane Week:
> 
> The World and The Sky: Seasons · Elements · Universe · Colors

**Chapter 2:** Cold

                The receptionist is a skinny elf with weirdly-shaped ears. He smiles too wide while he looks how Loki grabs Jane’s waist forcefully, pushing her flush against his body. Jane fakes a smile at the receptionist and prays that he won’t take too long in giving them the keys.

“Room 402. Fourth floor.”

“Thank you.” Loki says with a charming smile. He turns around, still grabbing Jane by her waist and when he starts walking toward the stairs, she tries to keep up with his long strides.

When they reach the stairs, out of the receptionist’s sight, Jane pushes him away. “Was that necessary? Couldn’t you say we were siblings?”

Loki raises an eyebrow. “Siblings don’t come to this kind of establishments, unless they have incest in mind.”

Jane rolls her eyes. “I thought you had money, do we really need to stay in a place like this?” Jane looks at the broken wallpaper that still spots stains from who knows how many years ago.

“Exactly. This is the last place a Prince of Asgard would honor with his presence.”

Loki opens the door of the room and Jane meditates on Loki’s comment. “So you think Malekitch will come after us.”

Before stepping into the room, Loki looks at her with an amused smile. “As soon as he finds out that you aren’t in the palace. There’s something you shouldn’t forget, Jane Foster. You’re a weapon.”

Without waiting for an answer or a reaction, Loki enters the room and leaves the book on the nightstand. Jane, trying to remain composed and rational, follows him inside. She can still feel the aether moving inside her, but it seems like Loki’s cold touch has calmed the burning sensation.

“Are you going to do what your mother asked you to do, then? Will you really protect me?” Jane asks, skeptic.

“I am hiding you. Aren’t I?” Loki says, shrugging. “Now, before you accuse me of being a hero or caring for my family or for your mortal soul or any other stupid notion you may have, I will tell you that I want something from you.”

Jane steps back, unsure, and her stare falls on the only bed that occupies the center of the room. Loki notices and he stands up, malevolent smile in place. He walks to her, and she steps back until she feels the wall on her back. He hovers over her, his white teethed smile causing anxiousness in the pit of her stomach.

“Now, now. What kind of perversions do you think I have in mind for you? No, your fears are unfounded… or your wishes, after all, I know little about your sexual fantasies.”

“I assure you you’re not in them.”

“Good, because I don’t want your body, Jane Foster. I want what you have _inside_.” He says, pointing a finger against her sternum.

Jane isn’t sure if those words should make her feel relief or fear. “You want the aether?”

“Imagine what I could do with the power that devours you.”

“I won’t give it up.”

“You want it? It will end up killing you. Tell me, Jane Foster, are you already drunk with its power?”

“No. I won’t give you a power that would enable you to subjugate my planet.”

“What if I promise Midgard will be safe from my colonist ambitions?”

Jane frowns. She doesn’t believe him, of course. “What do you want it for?”

“I have powerful enemies, Jane Foster. And your body is week – a poor vessel for the aether – it will find a more appropriate container in me.”

“It will consume you.” She says, in a whisper.

“I am willing to take the risk. Will you accept to help me if I agree to save Asgard first from the Dark Elves? You must think me a villain, a despicable monster, but Asgard has been my home all my life. I care for it more than you.”

“Why don’t you just take the aether, then? Asking for permission doesn’t seem to be your thing.”

“You would be surprised. I don’t doubt that Malekith has found a way to steal it from you. He sold his soul to dark magic a long time ago, but unfortunately, I am not such an expert on these topics. Fortunately, though,” He pauses, maybe to inspire intrigue. He grabs the book _The Red Dhalia_ from the nightstand. “I am a good student.”

“Is that book about the aether?” Jane asks, surprised.

“That’s what I believe, yes. Dr. Foster, you weren’t the first woman that the aether inhabited. There was another before, a Vanir with some magical abilities.”

Jane takes a deep breath, surprised and… she doesn’t dare to hope. “What happened to her?”

“She died, but her life story could still be useful to us. First, Jane, I would like to talk about your fire.”

“My fire?”

“You were burning up when that woman touched you. Does that happen very often? She caught you unaware, maybe it happens when you’re scared.”

Loki steps back, finally allowing her some room to breathe, and sits on the bed. With a movement of his fingers, the floor tiles under her feet start falling into a black abyss.

“What’s happening?” Jane asks, stepping back, trying to save herself from the unstable tiles. A growing hole has formed in the floor, and Jane tries not to look down but her curiosity is stronger than her. Under layers of darkness, the lava of a volcano gurgles.

She can feel the heat of the lava ascending, scalding her feet. Or is it maybe the heat that comes from her insides? She starts feeling the familiar burning sensation. She touches her face, noticing the sweat.

“Stop it, please. Loki, stop it.” She’s scared, and with every breath of panic, the heat burns stronger. She feels the ragging heat in every pore of her body.

“Burn for me, little Jane.” He says in a joking tone that Jane doesn't apreciate in her actual circumstances.

She takes another step back, the tiles under her feet continue to fall into the lava, and she’s scared that she will fall with them to her death. “Please.” She says. Her insides burn, burn and burn. It’s an odd pain – more like a fever than an actual flame.

Loki moves his fingers again, and the tiles return to their natural state. Illusion broken, Jane falls to her knees and takes a deep breath trying to calm herself, but the aether continues to feed her inner fire. Jane closes her eyes, and suddenly, she feels delicate hands forcing her to stand up. She feels so weak, she allows her forehead to drop against his neck – the coldness of his skin soothes her face immediately.

“It’s as I expected. Fear affects the aether.” He whispers, but she isn’t listening. She pushes her face further against his neck, but her whole body burns and his clothes are an annoying obstacle. The pain, the desperation, makes her bold and she tries to take his jacket off. He lets her, looking at her with an amused smile. Jane struggles to find and opening to his shirt, some button or zipper that would reveal the paleness of his skin. Of course, she doesn’t find any. “Now, there’s no need to get intimate here. You don’t need me, you only need the cold.”

She’s confused, and before she can ask him to explain, he takes her hand – and the burning in her fingers immediately dies down. He guides her to the small bathroom, where the bathtub is already filled with water. She wonders when did he have the time to fill it. Magic? She wonders. Yes, magic, of course.

Loki touches the water with his finger. In appearance, nothing changes, but when Jane submerges her arm, she realizes the water is freezing. _And it feels so good._

“Take a cold bath. It will make you feel better. I will give you some privacy.” He says, before leaving the room and closing the door behind him.

In the solitude of the bathroom, she feels insignificant, and she reminds herself that she needs to think and think and think – She just can’t follow whatever plan a villain has in store for her, but there’s another part of her – the one that waited two years for a God to come back, the one that has fought her whole life to be recognized, the one that’s _just so damn tired_ – that wants to do the easy thing: Trust the untrusting hero, let herself be swayed, accept the cold caresses.

She doesn’t want to fight with herself. Not tonight, so she undresses and gets into the bathtub. The contact of her skin and the freezing water creates a thick vapor, as if she were a dragon.

She realizes too late that she doesn’t have a clean change of clothes, so she wraps herself in the towel and once she’s dry, she wears again her Asgardian dress. When she exits the bathroom, Loki is sitting in a chair, reading the book attentively. Jane hesitates under the doorframe, looking at the bed like a dog looks at a bone.

“All yours.” Loki mutters without even lifting his head. “I don’t need to sleep as much as you mortals do.”

Jane shrugs, and lets herself fall on the mattress. She doesn’t feel the aether burning inside her anymore but her muscles are sore and she feels incredibly exhausted. Tomorrow will be another day, she mutters to herself, before surrendering to her dreams.

_That night, she dreams in infrareds._

Saturated colors blink over a vast expanse of blackness. She is in the middle of that colorful abyss. There’s nothing under her feet, nothing over her head – just colors. She immediately realizes what they’re: They’re stars. The brightest and biggest stars she has ever seen. She’s surrounded by the cosmos.

Jane tries to recognize the constellations, and she thinks she finds Orion in front of her. She follows with her eyes every star that forms the figure of the hunter. He’s there with his belt and his bow, exactly as he always appears in the connect-the-dots drawings that her father used to buy her when she was a child.

Jane gasps surprised when Orion shoots his arrow and it flies in a perfect straight line. Suddenly, Jane sees herself running after the arrow – even when she doesn’t remember making the decision to follow it – she sorts burning stars, climbs invisible stairs and jumps over obstacles that are as black as the night sky.

Jane extends her arm, she’s so close to the arrow. If she only impulses herself a little bit further, she could touch it with her fingertips – but suddenly, something stops her, capturing her from behind. She can feel two strong restrains circling her waist, like unbreakable ropes, and she struggles to escape.

“Wake up!” A masculine voice shouts in her ear, and in a blink, the starry night vanishes and she’s once again in a decrepit motel in Svartalfheim. Or to be more specific, in the balcony of a decrepit motel in Svartalfheim. Loki has his arms around her waist, impeding her to take one more step. When he realizes she has stopped struggling, he pushes her inside the room – with very little care.

“What happened?” She asks, still confused.

“You were sleepwalking.” He says, drily, as if he were accusing her of something.

“I never sleepwalk.” Jane mutters.

“You were trying to jump from the balcony.”

Jane opens her eyes wide, affected by that information. She puts her hand on the closest table, as if she were scared she could still fall to her death. “I was following a star.” She says, and she promptly realizes how absurd it sounds, how childish. “It was a beautiful dream.”

“It was the aether. It manipulated your dreams.”

Jane touches her neck, uncomfortable. Inside her, the aether is asleep, as a child hiding so he won’t be punished for his misdeeds. “Does it want me dead?” Jane asks – and she feels betrayed, as silly as it sounds.

Loki frowns, thinking, and then he shakes his head, “No. I think it just showed you something you wanted to see… The open balcony was an unfortunate coincidence. It’s manipulating you so you won’t want to separate from it.”

Jane walks to the bed and sits on it. She nods, “Okay.” She nods again, as if trying to get used to the idea. Then, she looks up at him. He still seems pensive. “Thanks… for saving me, I guess.”

He merely nods, “While you were sleeping, I thought of a solution for your little burning problem. It’s just a matter of heat and cold, so I think a little spell to modulate your body temperature would suffice.”

“Can you do it?” Jane asks, feeling hopeful.

“Yes…” He seems suddenly shy. “My mother used to cast it on me every time I had a fever.” He walks to her and stops in front of her, so close that her knees touch his long legs. He grabs her hand and forces her to stand up, “Don’t move.” Once again, he’s standing so close that Jane can feel his breath. She closes her eyes and waits. Loki starts whispering some kind of incantation, his words are intelligible to her but she waits with a heavy heart. Suddenly, she feels his lips against her forehead in an incredibly tender kiss.

She gasps and steps back. When she opens her eyes, he’s looking at her with both raised eyebrows. He doesn’t look amused, quite the contrary. “This spell is meant for children, it requires a kiss in the forehead. It was my mother’s creation.” His voice is cold, distant, and she realizes that she has offended him when she stepped back.

“So is it done? I won’t feel that burning sensation anymore?”

“It only lasts some days. I will have to do it again when the effects wear out.”

“Oh. Okay.” She feels oddly shy suddenly.

“Now, go back to sleep.”

She tries to obey, but as soon as she lies on the bed and closes her eyes, she starts hearing some unmistakable sounds from the next-door room: Grunts, moans, panting gasps and even screams. _Someone is having too much fun_ , Jane thinks bitterly. She tries to ignore the images and sensations that assault her: Loki’s lips on her forehead, the coldness of his neck against her flushed face, his hand caressing her cheek.

“Walls are too thin.” Loki mutters. And Jane hesitates, should she answer him and reveal that she isn’t asleep yet? Wouldn’t that make their situation even more uncomfortable?

“Don’t you know any spell to block the noise?”

Jane’s eyes are closed, she can’t see him, but the tone of his voice makes it obvious that he’s lying when he says: “Uhm… I can’t think of any right now.”

Of course, he’s the God of Lies, so he only makes his lies blatantly obvious when he wants to.

+++

Jane wakes up to the sound of insistent knocks on the door. She sits on the bed and immediately looks at Loki, who’s too still and serious for her liking. It’s the tension on his shoulders what tells her that whoever wants to open their door isn’t a friend.

Loki places a finger on his lips, asking her without words to keep silent, and then disappears. Jane tries to contain a gasp as she pushes her back against the headboard. She doesn’t even have time to feel fear for her sudden solitude or to wonder if he’s ever coming back, when his familiar figure appears again in the same spot he vacated.

“We have to go.” Loki says, his voice cold as ice.

“Who are they?” She asks, assuming that during his small disappearance, he went to investigate.

“Dark Elves under Malekith’s orders. It seems like he has already noticed you aren’t in the palace.”

“But how did they know we were here?” Jane asks. Her question stays unanswered when the door suddenly blows away from its hinges, and three masked Dark Elves burst into the room. Jane opens her mouth but the sound of her own shout is silenced, as if she suddenly were stuck in a place without sound waves. She blinks, only seeing odd flashes and the blackness of the abyss between worlds. She feels Loki’s body next to her and she understands immediately that he’s transporting them to another place.

Finally, everything stops moving and she can feel grass under her feet.

Jane takes a deep breath and tries to dispel her dizziness. Once her breathing regulates, she looks around, surprised to see a beautiful landscape. They’re standing in a valley, surrounded by the woods. The trees are tall and their leaves are a mix of brown, gold and green. She’s pretty sure they aren’t on Earth, but they aren’t on Svartalfheim either.

Jane turns around and sees a wooden cabin. It feels out of place in the vast valley, somehow isolated, as if someone had forgotten it there.

 “Where….?”

“Vanaheim.” He interrupts her, impatient. “Vanirs look similar to Asgardians and Midgardians, so we won’t draw attention to ourselves here.”

“How did they know we were in Svartalfheim?” Jane asks again. She wants an answer.

“It was Marvin, probably.”

“The dwarf? I thought he was your friend.”

“It’s easy to bribe him. He’s too greedy for his own good. And he was only my friend because I was a prince with a penchant for the obscure gadgets he collects.”

Jane sighs, _you need better friends_ , she thinks – but she decides to not say it out loud. “So what’s our plan now?”

“Our plan? _My_ plan is the same than it was yesterday. Stay here and…”

“So we’re just going to hide?”

Loki ignores and continues talking, his tone makes it very clear that he doesn’t like interruptions. “…and I will find a way to transfer the aether from you to me.” He says, pointing at her and then at himself.

“I already told you I don’t like that plan.”

“What you like or don’t like matters very little.”

“Isn’t there any way to lock the aether in some kind of container?” Jane asks, ignoring his rude answer. “Or even better, to completely destroy it?”

“That kind of energy can’t be destroyed, only contained or transferred. But tell me, Jane Foster, if we find a way to put the aether into a bottle… who’s going to destroy Malekith?”

Jane fidgets uncomfortably, she knows he’s not going to like her answer. “Thor?” She asks in a whisper.

Loki smiles crudely, “You put too much faith on him. A huge mistake, Dr. Foster, believe me… I did the same a long time ago.”

“Fine, so what you’re saying is that you only want the aether so you will be powerful enough to destroy him. Will you give up the aether afterwards?” Jane asks. Loki tilts his head, and opens his mouth to answer, but Jane interrupts him. “No. Don’t say anything, I know you won’t. I don’t want to hear your lies, I am sure they are very convincing.”

“Do you have a better plan, Jane?” Loki asks with a condescending tone.

“My plan was to go back to Asgard and help them, but you already dismissed it, so I guess we will have to follow your mother’s plan. Hopefully, she’s wiser that the two of us.”

“You’re going to have to remind me of the details of this plan.”

“We will stay here, we will try to find a way to get the aether out of my body, and you will protect me when or if they come for us… until Thor finally defeats him.”

Loki sighs, not satisfied with the new plan. “I am afraid we will spend an eternity together, Jane Foster.” His answer is a reticent acceptance, but it’s still an acceptance.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's longer and more spicy. You can't complain, eh? ;)


	3. A cabin in the woods

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter for Day 3 in the Lokane Week.
> 
> Closed Spaces: Sharing a Bed · Cabin Fever · Acquitances · Stranges in a Public Space

Chapter 3: A cabin in the woods

 

                The cabin in the woods is simply that, a cabin in the woods. There’s nothing significant in its austere furniture, the walls are naked, and the dust clings to every corner, robbing the place of any resemblance to a home – and in some unexpected way, that small abode becomes exactly that, her home. But in that first day, Jane sneezes and longs quite melancholily for the golden palace of Asgard or the provincial charm of Puente Antiguo.

“So this is our hideout.” She mutters out loud.

“You sound disappointed.”

 “For a prince, you aren’t taking me to very impressive places.”

He chuckles, and the sound of it sends a shiver through her spine - just because it lacks its characteristic bitterness. He turns his wrist and the dust suddenly vanishes, “Is this better?” He asks, a satisfied smile still on place.

Jane bites her lip, trying to contain her emotion. “I will never get used to it.”

“To what?”

“To your magic. It shouldn’t exist.” She says, and he turns around to look at her with an offended expression, as if she had just muttered that he should drop dead. “But I am happy it does.” She adds. He smiles, apparently satisfied with her conclusion.

The cabin is quite small. It has two rooms but the smallest one is filled with boxes, old furniture and other objects Jane doesn’t recognize.

“We will need to buy food.”

“There’s a town nearby, I will make a trip.” Loki answers.

“You? What about me?”

“You forget too easily that you have an explosive energy inside your body. You’re a walking bomb, Jane Foster, you shouldn’t be allowed to walk among citizens.”

“Now you care about unsuspecting pedestrians?” Jane complains, although she knows he’s right. She doesn’t want anyone’s death on her conscience. “What should I do while you’re gone?”

“Stay calm and don’t let the aether destroy the cabin. Is that a good enough job for you?”

His flippant tone irritates her, but Jane finds that she doesn’t have any retort to make, so she merely waves her hand, as if giving him permission to leave. Once the door closes behind his back, she looks around and sighs. She hates inactivity, she hates waiting – and it seems like that’s the only thing she does lately, wait and wait and wait.

Her eyes peruse the room, looking for something that would draw her attention and she smiles when she finds the Red Dahlia book on the table. Her excitement deflates when she realizes that the book is written in a language she doesn’t know. She can’t do anything else than sit and wait.

It feels like it’s been an eternity when Loki returns, and her stomach is roaring painfully. She frowns when she sees that Loki’s hands are empty.

“Where’s the food?” She asks in a hopeless tone.

Loki rolls his eyes and several paper bags appear magically on the kitchen’s counters. “What?” Loki asks, “Did you expect me to carry all that? The food bags are there, I have bought the basics. I am sure you will be able to cook something passable with it.”

Jane rolls her eyes, of course she’s the one supposed to cook dinner. She is ready to accuse him of sexism, but she remembers he’s a prince, which means he’s probably being more classist than sexist.

“Can’t you do it with magic?”

“Why would I know any cooking spells? If they even exist. I think the cooks from Asgard prepare the meals themselves.”

Jane sighs, she supposes magic isn’t good for everything. “Okay, I’m not an amazing chef or anything like that, so don’t expect any delicatessen.” She looks at the interior of the bags and finds vegetables, potatoes, red meat and fruit. Yes, she can work with that. Jane turns around and sees more bags on the couch in the living room. “What are those?”

“I bought some clothes as well, you need to wash those dirty clothes you’re wearing. Or better, throw them away. They stink.”

Jane looks up, surprised by his thoughtfulness. “Oh, thank you.” She mutters, taking some dresses out of the bags. They’re very modest, what a country girl would wear, so she supposes they’re perfect to help her go unnoticed.

When they’re finishing dinner (fried vegetables and a meat that tastes like cow, but it probably isn’t), Jane clears her throat and asks the question that has been eating at her since they arrived at Vanaheim.

“So what does the book say? Who is this Vanir woman that was infected with the aether?”

“Mirana, last name unknown and her first name is probably wrong. Her story started in a similar fashion than yours: she had the misfortune of finding the aether contained in an old temple, and the aether used her like a vessel. At the end, it killed her…”

“Not very encouraging.”

Loki glares at her, annoyed by her interruption. “But she survived almost 30 years with the aether inside of her. That’s quite unheard of, very impressive.”

“Why did Marvin call her ‘a crazy wench’?” Jane asks.

“Well, this happened a long time ago. Your civilization isn’t the only one that has evolved over time. Back in the day, even in Vanaheim, where magic is a common occurrence, an energy like the aether was unthinkable. Some people thought she was possessed by malign spirits, others thought she was faking it for the attention. But I am sure it was the aether, I read it a long time ago, but the description is identical to what’s happening to you. She got the name Red Dahlia because her eyes turned red when the aether overpowered her.”

“Okay. I guess I will take your word for it. What did she do to survive for so many years?”

 “Not unlike yourself, she had an inexplicable resilience. I think the aether just liked her, in the same way that it likes you.”

“Yeah, you’ve already said that. I remain doubtful.” Jane says, skeptic.

“Anyway, that’s not enough to survive for so long. She found a way to prolong her life: She was able to divide the aether and transfer some parts of it to other beings. She used mostly animals, the vessel has to be organic.”

“Parts of it? So that’s what you wanted me to do. To transfer it to you but in small doses.”

“She tried to do that, and it didn’t work, the aether refused to leave her completely and that small part that remained always grew up, little by little. But yes, I had hoped that I could modify this enchantment to allow for a full transmission. Magic has also evolved with the years, like your science, and I am not exactly an apprentice.”

“No, and I see you’re quite modest.” Jane says with sarcasm. “Anyway, it looks like we have a plan. You just have to transfer parts to the aether to some poor animal, and that will buy us some time.”

“It would be easy if I had the aether inside of me, like Merina did, but we both know that’s not the case and you don’t have any trace of magic in you.” Loki says and Jane waits patiently, knowing in her gut that he already has a plan, “I need to use an enchantment to connect with the aether, so he will obey my magic. The aether is drawn to power, so it will cling to my magic… but for that to happen, I need to touch it.”

A tense silence floats in the air while Jane meditates his words, looking for the real message. “You need to touch me. How?”

“I don’t know yet. I think holding hands will suffice. Maybe when the aether is in control, during your fever episodes, for example. I will have to take away the protection I put on you, temporarily.”

“Okay.  That’s fine. That’s fine.” A lot better than what she expected when she understood that Loki needed to touch her.

“Should we start, then?” Loki asked.

“What, now?”

“Of course. There’s not time to lose.” Jane sighs and nods. Once again, he’s right. “I don’t know how long it will take so it’s better if you lie down and make yourself comfortable. We should go to the bedroom.”

Those words make Jane uncomfortable, but she isn’t a teenager finding second meanings in every phrase, so she forces herself to ignore it and nod. Loki walks to the bedroom, and Jane follows him there. She feels confused and uneasy, it’s the same nervousness that she used to feel as a child, when she went to the doctor for checks ups.

Jane walks to the bed, ready to lie down when Loki’s voice stops her: “Wait.”

She stops in her tracks, and before she can understand what’s happening, Loki is kissing her on the forehead. A short and tender kiss. When his lips leave her skin, he mutters some intelligible words against the same spot. She can feel his breath in her forehead.

As soon as he steps back, her body starts heating as if she were an erupting volcano. Scared, she sits on the bed and presses her fingers against the edges of the mattress.

“I am burning again.”

“Yes. I have just dissolved the protection against the fevers. Lie down, Jane.” Loki commands.

She nods and obeys. She’s scared, she’s sweating and she’s afraid she will suddenly suffer spontaneous combustion. She closes her eyes and tries to calm her erratic breathing. He can hear Loki moving around the room, but she doesn’t open her eyes, more focused on what’s happening inside of her than what’s happening on the room.

Suddenly, she feels his cold fingers lacing with her fingers, and the burning sensation in her hand disappears. She sighs, relieved, and she positions his hand against her clavicle, the area where she feels more pain. Her fear starts to disappear and with it, the burning lessens until becoming bearable, although it doesn’t go away completely. After several minutes in silence, she opens her eyes and looks at her right.

Loki is lying beside her, only two fingers of empty space separate their bodies. He’s wearing his full armor, an absurd image that would’ve made her laugh in other circumstances. Loki is moving his lips as if he were chanting, but he doesn’t emit any sound. Jane supposes he’s trying to connect with the aether, but the red energy inside of her doesn’t seem to be behaving differently. _Is it working?_ She wonders, but she doesn’t dare to ask out loud. She doesn’t want to break his concentration.

It’s quite odd sharing a bed with Loki Odinson, _the failed conqueror of New York,_ while she holds his hand against her clavicle. She feels awkward and even out of her own skin at first, but then the minutes pass and this oddity becomes almost normal, at least comfortable. After at least one hour in silence, she braves to ask:

“Maybe you need to be closer?” She asks, hoping he understands that she’s giving him permission. He doesn’t answer, apparently too focused on the spell he’s casting, so Jane rolls over her side, with his hand still against her clavicle, and now her head on his shoulder. She can feel how his body suddenly tenses, surprised, but two beats later he relaxes again.

Jane closes her eyes, and the movement of his chest as he mutters his silent spell rocks her as if it were a crib. Before she can even realize it, she’s getting drowsy and soon falls asleep.

The next morning, the sun rays wake her up, and Loki is sitting on a chair by her bed. She blinks, confused, and before she can mutter any word, he says: “It didn’t work. I couldn’t connect with the aether.”

Then, he simply stands up and leaves the room.

+++

They try three more times, and the result is always the same. This failure is a painful hit against his pride and Loki becomes obsessed with it. He stays awake every night, reading the Red Dhalia or other magic books that he takes from his interdimensional pocket. The lack of sleep, or maybe the frustration, makes him grumpier than ever – and very unhelpful. Jane’s patience wears thinner by the minute.

“This situation is going to end right here and now.” She exclaims. She has had enough.

Loki looks up from his notes with a raised eyebrow. “Can you be more specific?”

“It’s been weeks since we arrived here. I’ve cooked every meal and you have never helped me. Not once. And not only that, I can’t remember the last time you talked to me. I am not your maid.”

“What are you then, Jane Foster?” Loki asks, and Jane doesn’t honor his question with an answer. Loki sighs, “Do I need to remind you who buys the ingredients you use for your cooking? Do I have to remind you who cleans the house?”

“You don’t clean the house. You use magic, it doesn’t require any effort from you. And going to the market is a leisure activity, not a chore. Believe me, I wish I could leave this damn cabin.”

“You could. But then, without my protection, Malekith would probably find you quite fast and kill you in the spot. Or the ather would kill innocent bystanders.”

“I understand that. And that’s why I haven’t try to run away.”

“So what are you saying then? What do you need? A maid?”

“No. I need you to talk to me, stop ignoring me. I want you to sleep more, I know you’re stronger than the rest of us, but your bad humor tells me you need at least a little bit of sleep. And also, I want you to cook some days, at least two. You can cook Friday and Monday, I will do it the rest of the days.”

Loki looks at her with a frown, as if he had never expected to hear those words from her.

“I think finding a solution to your little problem is a lot more important than cooking.”

Jane rolls her eyes, “Okay. I will cook while you work on this spell of yours, once you get it done, we will share the chores. But you will sleep tonight. You can use the bed, I don’t mind sleeping on the couch.”

He takes so long to answer than Jane thinks he’s going to say ‘no’ once again, but finally, he nods: “I suppose I can do that.”

It seems like the conversation is over, at least he seems to think so, but Jane doesn’t move a muscle. She stands exactly where she is, staring at him. Loki, noticing her eyes on the back of his neck, sighs and looks at her:

“Something else?” He asks, his voice vibrating with irritation.

She purses her lips and sits down in the same table, probably closer than he wants. He raises an eyebrow.

“If we’re going to be stuck here for weeks or months, I need to ask you something.”

Loki shakes his head, “What unanswered mystery of the world have you thought about now?”

“I want to know why you attacked New York.”

It’s obvious he wasn’t expecting that question because his eyes darken and become agitated and even angry. Jane doesn’t let him intimidate her and she holds his hard stare.

“No.” He simply says, firmly.

“I am sure it was a decision you didn’t make lightly, unless conquering worlds is a pastime for you, something you do between five o’clock tea and dinner.”

“No, Jane Foster. I won’t answer your questions, especially not those about me. If you think we will have heart to heart conversations and exchange friendship bracelets, you will be very disappointment.”

“I only want to understand,” Jane complains.

“We won’t talk about the past. You won’t tell me about the dreams you had when you were a child, I won’t share with you my happiest memories, and we will simply focus on the task at hand. That’s a rule, a deal if you want to call it so.”

Jane feels her anger shaking her whole body. It’s so easy to hate him, so damn easy. After a long pause, she finally nods.

But in a situation like theirs, the anger can’t last too long. She only has him to talk to, and the next day during dinner, she decides she can’t keep silent any longer. She has always been independent and sometimes ever solitary, but she has never been able to close her mouth when in company. She needs to talk, to share her thoughts and concerns, she’s a social being.

She won’t ask him about his past, but there are still other available topics.

“Is your magic intrinsic or did you learn it?”

Loki looks up from his plate of beans – which he has cooked himself this time – and frowns, surprised that she has deigned to talk to him.

“Both.” He simply says and Jane is worried that he won’t say anything else. Fortunately, she’s wrong, “I always had the skills for it, but my mother taught me when I was a child, and then they hired a magic instructor to tutor me. Now, I have surpassed my mother and my master in skill.” He looks at his fingers and with an almost imperceptible movement, he creates a green flame out of nowhere.

“Thor told me it’s something similar to our science.” Jane says, looking at the flame in amazement.

He closes his hand, making the flame disappear and looks at her with a sarcastic smile. “An over simplistic generalization, very badly informed. I am not surprised it came from Thor, he’s allergic to complex matters.” Jane frowns, offended in Thor’s stead. “Magic is magic.”

“If that’s everything you can say to explain it, then you aren’t very intelligent either.”

Loki looks at her with a devilish smile, he has been challenged. He stands up suddenly and he walks towards Jane, who waits in her chair, with a knot in her throat. What is he going to do?

“Stand up.” He orders her. She doesn’t know exactly why, if it’s the tone of his voice or her curiosity, but Jane obeys. Loki opens his hand in the air, “Put your palm against mine.” Once again, Jane does as he says.

Suddenly, she starts to feel some vibrations, like small waves of air between their fingers. She takes a deep breath, “What is it?”

“Magic is energy, Jane Foster.” Loki says, “And to understand it, you need to feel it first.”

To Jane’s dismay, he drops his arm – taking away the feeling of his magic with him – and steps back. Jane looks at him as a dog stares at a bone: hungry, tempted, too far gone to walk away.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A chapter full of exposition, but I hope you still found some entertaining parts in it.
> 
> The "good stuff" starts next chapter ;)


	4. The maid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter for Day Four of Lokane Week.
> 
> FUN, FUN, FUN: Music and Dance ·Travels · Truth or Dare · Sex

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Smut starts here!

Chapter 4: _The maid_

                Weeks become months and there’s no news from Thor or Asgard. Jane tries not to think what that could mean. She tries to keep her sanity and her positivism and throws herself into their routine. Without agreements or promises, they seem to have fallen into a comfortable truce. Jane puts hot food on the table, Loki buys the ingredients – sometimes he buys sweet wine from the market, even when they don’t have anything to celebrate. They eat, they drink, they talk, sometimes they even chuckle – and they don’t mention Asgard or Thor, even when those two things are always in their minds. With every day without news, they fear that Malekith will win the war even without the help of the aether.

At least, it seems like nobody – enemy or ally – knows that they’re hiding in a wooden cabin in Vanaheim.

Five months after their arrival, Loki announces that he’s going on a trip for some days to an important livestock fair that takes place every year. He’s planning on purchasing some farm animals, so they will be able to use them once he has mastered the necessary spells to transfer the aether to other living beings.

Jane crosses her arms, “How many days?” She asks him.

“It depends on the transport of my choice.”

“Why don’t you just appear magically there? As you have done before.”

“I don’t know. I have heard the landscape of Vanaheim’s mountains is very beautiful. It would be a pity to miss it.”

“How long would that take you?”

“Only one day to get there, two days at the fair, and then one day to come back. Four days.” Jane puckers, and her reaction seems to amuse Loki. “What? Are you going to miss me?”

“I don’t like solitude, even when the alternative is _your_ company.”

“In that case, I suppose I will leave landscape sighting for another occasion.”

And that’s how he leaves her alone for days. And although he left some books for her to read, she grows bored of always doing the same and starts counting the days for his return. He was supposed to be home in two days, and during the second day, she expects him to just appear behind her at any moment – but night comes and there isn’t any trace of him.

At first, she’s angry at him for his lies. After some minutes of deep reflection, she starts to worry that Malekith’s minions have found him and have killed him or arrested him. By the fourth day, her worry is veering into desperation and it’s exactly then, when she hears the wheels of a carriage. Her heart thumps in her chest, thinking it could be some enemy who has come to collect her, but when she looks through the window, she recognizes the familiar figure of Loki Odinson.

But he isn’t alone in the carriage, a young and beautiful elvish girl sits by his side.

Her worry morphs into anger, and she bursts out of the cabin, grabbing her skirts to avoid its hems getting dirty with the soil. Before she can voice her anger, Loki jumps out of the carriage and helps the elf to step out of it.

“Dear, let me introduce you to Cora.” He says to Jane. She has doe eyes, red lips and plump cheeks. She reminds Jane to Snow White.

“Mrs. Foster, it’s a pleasure to meet you.” The girl says with a big smile.

“It’s Doctor Foster. My name is Doctor Foster.”

Loki shakes his head and turns toward Cora as he adds. “As you can see, she still lives in the glories of her past.”

“Mr. Foster has told me a lot about you. All good things, of course. You can’t find a more admiring husband. You’re a lucky woman.”

 _Mr. Foster? Husband?_ Jane wonders and looks at Loki, but she knows it’s not the moment to ask questions. “Sadly, he hadn’t told me anything about you.”

“It was a surprise! You said you wanted a maid, so I brought you a very capable maid. She was very well recommended.”

Cora brightens with his praise, but Jane only frowns. “I never asked for a maid.”

“Of course you did. You must have forgotten.” Loki says, smiling as if he were actually having fun with Jane’s discomfort.

Jane sighs, giving up. She turns to Cora. “Okay. I guess… could you start making dinner? Do whatever you want, surprise us.”

The girl nods, excited to prove her worth, and she enters the house, leaving them alone outside.

“How can you think bringing a maid to our home is a good idea? What if she witnesses one of my… episodes?”

“She’s very discreet.” Loki says, and noticing Jane’s exasperation, he adds, “And she may have privileged information. She’s half Light elf, half Dark elf. She lost her job recently, and do you know who was her previous boss? Malekith. She was one of the maids in his palace.”

“I doubt Malekith shares his plans with her.” Jane complains, still not completely sold on the girl’s value.

“No. But the help always knows everything. Believe me, Jane, I’ve lived in a palace.”

Jane sighs, and nods. “Okay. Hopefully she knows what happened to Asgard.”

“I think a party would put her in a generous and sharing mood, don’t you think?”

Jane looks up at him, surprised. Loki starts walking to the cabin’s door, but Jane stops him:

“Wait! Where are the animals? Didn’t you buy any?”

“Yes, pigs. But I wouldn’t want to live next door to them, would you? So I decided to buy a nearby pig farm. The owner was very happy to sell the whole thing. The land there doesn’t have much value.”

+++

  Jane looks how Loki pours more wine in Cora’s glass. The young elf is already blushing, and Jane isn’t sure if it’s for Loki’s closeness or the effects of the sweet wine. She frowns while she looks how Loki puts his charm to good use. He had always been so cross and bitter with her, that it’s odd to see him as the charming trickster that the books on Norse Mythology describe.

“This is the first time I receive such a warm welcome! They usually show me my room and give me clean sheets!” Cora exclaims.

“We will absolutely give you clean sheets.” Loki says, with a big smile. “It has just been my wife and me for so long that we are in need of some company. We want you to feel comfortable here, Cora.”

“And we haven’t had a party in so long.” Jane says, finally deciding to help Loki in his schemes. After all, she also wants to hear what Cora knows, and it’s evident they will need to gain her trust or get her drunk – Whatever comes first. “Shouldn’t we put some music?”

Loki nods and he stands up and moves toward a device that looks fairly like a record player, and apparently, it works the same but without the need of a disc. Jane can’t see what Loki is doing because his body covers the whole record player, but when he turns around, a slow song in a language Jane doesn’t understand starts to play.

“Oh! I love this song! So romantic.” Cora says, as she moves her head to the music’s rhythm.

“Would you dance with me, dear?” Loki asks Jane, and she blinks, confused. She doesn’t completely understand his plan, but she nods and takes his hand.

Loki places her arms on his shoulders and hugs her on the waist. They start swaying, slowly, their cheeks touching. Jane can hear his breathing, and she feels a shiver run through her body. She’s overly aware of their closeness, and she starts wondering when it started to make her feel tingly and even aroused instead of scared. This isn’t the time for such thoughts, not when they have a very specific plan to achieve, not when Thor could be in a cell or even dead. She tries to swallow her guilt, closes her eyes and continues dancing. She tries to convince herself that she’s doing this for Thor.

“Pretend you’re feeling too dizzy and need to sit.” Loki whispers in her ear. Jane frowns, confused by his petition, but she accedes.

“Love, I don’t think I can keep dancing. I am not feeling well.” She mutters, taking back a step.

“What is it?” Loki asks, feigning worry – and Jane shouldn’t be surprised at how well he lies, but of course she is.

“Nothing serious, I am sure. I am just dizzy.” She moves to a sofa and sits on it, trying to look tired and apathic.

“Well, one should never waste a good song. Would you mind dancing with me, Cora?”

The girl jumps in her seat, surprised by his words, and she almost spills the wine she was drinking. She nods effusively – too effusively for Jane’s taste. Loki grabs Cora’s hand and he pulls from her arm, forcing her against his body. She doesn’t seem to complain, though. They start swaying and Jane looks at them with a mix of fascination and discomfort. She doesn’t want to put a name to her feelings, and she assumes most of what she is feeling now is the wine’s fault.

The song finally ends, and Loki accompanies Cora to her seat. Such a silly gesture, because she’s only two steps away, but it seems to do wonders with Cora, who blushes prettily.

“Thank you, Mr. Foster.” Cora says, her cheeks reddening even more.

“ _My husband_ is always so accommodating.” Jane says with a sarcasm that Cora doesn’t catch. Jane understands perfectly well why Loki decided to tell Cora that they were a married couple. In a society stuck in the old traditions, an unmarried couple living together would be such a scandal and it could stir too many questions that they don’t want to answer.

Another song starts, and the silence suddenly becomes uncomfortable, so Jane decides it’s time to seek some truths: “Where did you work before, Cora? Loki said you had really good recommendations.”

Loki sends her a proud smile, and Jane feels momentarily disconcerted. What does it mean when the God of Mischief seems to approve of your subtle means of interrogation? It matters little, apparently, because although she should feel remorse for manipulating the girl, she feels proud instead.

“I worked in the household of Malekith, the current ruler of Svartalfheim.”

“And why aren’t you working with him anymore?” Loki asks, making sure his tone doesn’t suggest suspicion, only genuine interest.

“Well, Malekith moved to Asgard recently. Haven’t you heard? Asgard has fallen. Malekith is ruling it now.”

“That can’t be true.” Loki says, his voice betraying his worry, but fortunately, Cora doesn’t seem to notice it. “Odin Allfather would never give his throne up.”

“No, of course he wouldn’t.”

“Is he dead?” Loki asks. The tremor in his voice surprises Jane. She knows Loki and his father have never had an easy relationship, but in the pain in his voice she can hear a confirmation: Loki loves his father, even when he isn’t ready to admit it.

“No, no. He’s in a cell, being… interrogated and not exactly with polite questions.”

“Of course.” Loki says, clinging to every one of her words. Jane waits patiently at his side, not exactly knowing what she wants to hear, but she feels her heart stuck in her throat and she can’t breathe.

“It seems like the second son is missing, and Malekith wants him dead.”

Loki shakes his head, and Jane knows exactly what he’s thinking: Malekith doesn’t want to find him, he wants to find _her._

“But Odin didn’t say a word about his whereabouts, at least he didn’t when I was still working in Malekith’s palace, now that Malekith has settled in Asgard, who knows. But I don’t think he will ever talk.”

“Why not?” Jane asks, finding her own voice.

“It’s his son. You know what people say about a father’s love.”

“It depends on the father.” Loki says bitterly.

“I am sure that’s true for Odin, too. After all, he only has one son left.”

“What? What happened to Thor?” Jane asks, her heart starts beating inside her chest, painfully. Next to her, she feels how Loki tenses.

“Malekith killed him. There’s almost nothing left of him, just his eye. He gave it to Odin and said: ‘You have two eyes now, old man.’ Quite cruel, if you ask me. And I know wars are always unfair, but that was unnecessarily cruel.”

 _Thor is dead, Thor is dead, Thor is dead_ – a cruel voice repeats in her head.

“How can you be so sure of what happened in Asgard?”

“The father of one my friends was present when Malekith gave Odin his son’s eye. He was one of guards watching over the king. He told her, and she told me.” Cora shrugs, as if this just were a town scandal. “The next day, Malekith moved to Asgard. Odin and his wife remain in a cell, or that’s the last thing I heard. Who knows, maybe they’re dead by now.”

_Thor is dead, Thor is dead, Thor is dead. Everyone in Asgard is probably dead._

Loki stands up, slowly. His face is illegible, but Jane can notice the tension in his shoulders. “Well. Politics always bore me.” Loki looks at Cora, “You must be tired. Go to bed.” His tone is authoritative, and Cora notices it. She nods, stands up and leaves to the second room – which has been fixed for her.

Loki stays still in the middle of the room, like a stone statue.

“Loki?” Jane calls him, concerned.

She doesn’t feel anything, she’s simply numb. It’s like her body hasn’t really understood the news. _Thor is dead, Thor is dead, Thor is dead._

Loki doesn’t even look at her, he turns around and exits the cabin. Jane looks at his retreating figure, not knowing what do. After several seconds of inactivity, she decides she can’t just sit there waiting for grief to strike her. She already notices the aether awakening inside of her, shattering her calm exterior.

Jane also stands up and follows Loki out of the cabin. She sees him standing in front of a big tree, punching it with ire – but the image of this man in agony doesn’t make her stop in her tracks. There’s no fear left in her, the aether is already invading every pore of her body and she feels like her vitals organs are tied in a painful knot.

When she gets closer, she notices his bloody knuckles.

“Loki, stop. Loki!” She doesn’t know if she is strong enough, but she still tries to stop his next punch against the tree. When he feels her hand on his arm, he freezes. Jane grabs his hands, and takes a step further, getting as close to him as she can without touching any other part of him.

“You’re burning.” He mutters.

He kisses her forehead, and before he can step back to mutter the enchantment that will soothe her fever, Jane stops him, putting a hand on his neck that forces him to remain exactly where he is.

“No.” Jane mutters, and without further explanation, she kisses the spot between his neck and his jaw. She feels how his body tenses and relaxes at the same time, although she doesn’t understand how he does it.

“I am not in my best moment now, Jane Foster. I won’t be gentle.”

“Don’t be gentle, then.”

She wants to blame the aeather for her actions and her words, and although the fire she feels inside is part of it, what pushes her to seek such intimacy is the feeling that the world has ended. The same nagging voice that tells her _Thor is dead,_ calls them both cowards and deserters. She wants to sin, she wants to give up, she wants to burn – this time fully.

Suddenly, Loki flips her around, pushing her back against his chest. “Tell me to stop, Jane.” He mutters in her ear, as he opens the buttons of the upper top of her dress. His hand slithers under the fabric of the dress and her bra, and he caresses one of her breasts. “Tell me to stop.” He repeats.

“No.” She whispers, closing her eyes to enjoy the feeling.

She actually wants him to do more. This isn’t about romance, or love, or even respect – this is about pain and grief. She rubs her rear against him, provoking him.

“Minx.” He mutters in a hoarse voice. She wants it rough – and she isn't being shy about it. So he pushes her on her four legs, not painfully but not delicately either.

 _Whore, whore, whore_ – someone says in her mind – _You want this, don’t you? And Thor isn’t even cold in his grave yet._

She nods, not without shame, answering the aether’s question.

Behind her, Loki lifts her skirts, leaving her legs, her underwear and her backside to the fresh air. She shivers as he kneels down behind her, puts his hands on her thighs and starts sliding her panties down her legs. They stay at her knees, as if they were restraining her.

“Last warning, Jane Foster. Tell me to stop.”

She doesn’t answer. She can’t, not when an anxious anticipation that she shouldn’t feel eats at her. And suddenly, Jane moans loudly as he enters her in one fast thrust. And he moves, furious, frenetic, and passionate. Jane can feel the small stones from the soil digging into her elbows. Her inner walls clench around his member, as if they were trying to hold him prisoner inside of her. Her whole body trembles with every thrust, and every one of them is faster and deeper. She can’t see his face, but she suspects that he has lost all control, completely drunk by the pain of their shared grief and pleasure.

“Loki.” She whispers, and his name produces completely the opposite effect she was intending. He suddenly deflates, lowering his rhythm, and now it’s his body the one that trembles with a vulnerability that she has never seen in him.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” He chants in painful whispers.

“No. No. It’s not that… I liked it. You’re fine.” Jane mutters, understanding at once that he’s apologizing for his roughness. “I just want… to see your face.” Her own petition embarrasses her, as if she were asking for something that she doesn’t have any right to possess.

But before Loki can deny her this little pleasure, she stands up on her knees and turns around. He seems petrified, and Jane takes advantage of the moment to push him against the tree, positioning him in a sitting position. He lets her move him as if he were her doll and Jane knows he’s only allowing her to be dominant because his grief makes him more docile. She looks at his eyes and feels tempted to kiss him, but it feels like a gesture too romantic and intimate. An odd notion, considering what they’re doing at the moment.

Jane positions herself over him once again and slides down on him, prompting a gasp from his lips. Seeing him so raw and vulnerable excites her, as if he had finally allowed her to see the real Loki, and she can’t take her eyes off him. It’s an addicting image. She starts to ride him, slowly, and feels how her whole body builds up to her high point. Jane’s so distracted by her own pleasure that she almost misses his astonished, almost fearful stare.

“Jane… Your eyes are red.”

She hears his words but doesn’t really understand their meaning because her orgasm is taking away every rational thought. When she comes down from her high, she opens her eyes – although she doesn’t remember closing them – and instead of the intriguing green eyes she has grown so accustomed to, she sees two fearful red eyes looking back at her.

“No. Yours are.”

“Yes. The aether is connecting with me.” He finally comes inside her with a guttural gasp and his body seems to suddenly lose all his strength because his trunk and head fall against her. She holds him strongly, as if she were trying to save him from a lethal fall. He pants against her ear.

“Well, I suppose we needed to do something more than hold hands.” She whispers.

He doesn’t laugh, and she doesn’t expect him to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts? Too soon?
> 
> I was really doubtful about pushing them together this early, and I wish I had the time to write 20 chapters of slow development... but I don't. Anyway, let me know what you think, please! I hope it didn't seem too out of the blue.
> 
> (Also, this a very Ironic fun, fun, fun... considering how much raw pain they're feeling - but it has Travesl, Music, Dance and Sex, so I did follow the prompt!)


	5. Jealousy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter for Day 5 of Lokane Week.
> 
> EMOTIONS AND FEELINGS: Redemption · Jealousy · Ire/Fighting · Epiphanies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Are you ready for the awkward aftermath?

Chapter 5: _Jealousy_

                The afterwards is the most awkward moment of her life. They disentangle as if the other were a band aid, there are no words of regret or consolation. The silence becomes painful between them and Jane tries to focus on her own breath. The fact that she’s alive astonishes her – in some way it felt cathartic, like the last show of emotion before the world ends and they are no more. But they’re still here, and as absurd as it sounds, it feels like an unexpected outcome.

She embraces herself, looks at him – but he’s still leaning against the tree, lost on thought. She doesn’t want to touch him, she’s afraid she won’t be able to remove her hand from his body this time, as if he were a spider’s net.

She wants to simply vanish, but at the end, a question escapes her lips: “What now?”

He looks up at her, and the sadness of his green eyes startle her. Where is his confidence? His cheeky attitude? Jane feels like she just lost something personal, and she hopes it’s not definitive.

His voice is hoarse when he answers, “Well. I’ve finally connected with the aether. If I am able to transfer some of the aether to the pigs, it won’t have such a devastating affect on you.”

She doesn’t feel as relieved as she should’ve felt. She wonders: What’s the point, now? Asgard is gone. A silly thought, of course, considering her objective now should be to get rid of the aether as soon as possible to go back to Earth – but that life feels so far away now, more like a dream than reality. How can she think about leaving Vanaheim, when only the effort to walk away from this tree, from him, seems like an impossibility to her?

At the end, he makes the decision for her. He stands up, and without words or even looking back at her, he walks to the cabin. She immediately feels a pang of pain. Somehow, he always leaves her behind. He can move, he can leave… she can only remain immobile, waiting for him.

She sighs and follows him inside.

She feels anger, and that anger makes her feel guilty, because she shouldn’t wish for Loki’s company and attention, not when she should be crying for Thor. She has always known she wasn’t really in love with Thor – He was the hero, the perfect man, the safe choice, the dream of every girl. He was the one who brought her the adventures she had dreamed since she was a little girl, but that little girl has grown up and apparently, what she wants now is a wooden cabin and rough sex.

Who is she? She wonders. She doesn’t recognize herself anymore, but there’s no one close by to judge her. Nobody who knew the old Jane, and that’s okay.

When she steps into the house, an unexpected scene awaits her. Something that shouldn’t be there, that shouldn’t even exist. She sees herself, radiant with happiness, sitting on the couch, Loki hugging her from behind, depositing kisses on her neck that make her blush and smile.

A hallucination of romantic bliss, a hallucination that disappears too soon, as soon as she takes a deep breath. Jane touches her neck and looks at the now empty coach with some dread, as if a form of happiness has just been snatched from her.

Her anger and her guilt had distracted her from the monster inside of her, and now it’s rebelling: ‘It shows what you want to see, so you won’t want to get rid of it.’ She remembers Loki’s words, and Jane suspects that the aether knows exactly what they plan to do to it, and it doesn’t want to be disemboweled.

She tries to get rid of the memory of the hallucination, she tries to get rid of the voice that tells her _Thor is dead, Thor is dead,_ and she tries to ignore her guilt and her anger and her self-deprecating thoughts that call her selfish, sinner and unfaithful.

Her exhaustion helps her, and she finally falls asleep on the big bed, wondering where Loki is. She envies his ability to just disappear.

She wakes up to hear light whispers in the living room, and when she enters the room still dressed in her night gown, she sees Cora laughing at something that Loki has said. He’s once again the man of the poker face and the spotless style, there’s nothing that suggests he was a grieving mess the night before, and his fragile stare from their intimate moment they shared comes to her mind in a flash.

She doesn’t make her presence known – although she is sure that Loki knows – and she looks at them with mistrust. Cora puts a daring hand on Loki’s shoulder and he smiles at her with fake tenderness.

“You’re funny, Mr. Foster.” She says, taking her hand away, finally. “But, no, of course I still write to my friend. She’s working now on Asgard and in her last letter, she told me it’s the most beautiful palace she has even seen.”

“You will tell me everything she says about Asgard, won’t you? I have some investments there, and I hope the change of power there won’t harm them.”

“Investments, sir?”

“Just some commercial businesses.”

“Oh! I will let you read her letters once I receive them, Mr. Foster, if they don’t say anything too private, of course.”

“Thank you, Cora.” Loki says, and this time, it’s he who touches her arm. “You’re a good girl. A good woman.”

Jane immediately coughs, breaking the intimate atmosphere Loki was trying to create. Cora, startled, jumps away from Loki. She looks at Jane like a deer caught in headlights.

“Mrs. Foster! Your husband told me you were feeling ill, again.”

“Yes. Unfortunately, her health has deteriorated a lot lately.” Loki says with the mien of a concerned husband. Jane glares at him, but he ignores it.

“Cora, why don’t you go to clean the main bedroom? I need to talk to my husband.”

She nods with the face of a reprimanded child and scurries away. Jane crosses her arms and looks at Loki with a severe expression.

“What are you doing?”

“Is it forbidden to talk to the maid? I am paying her, you know.”

“You’re trying to seduce her, probably not for noble purposes.” She whispers to make sure Cora can’t hear her from the main bedroom. “You said you wanted to get some answers. Well, you got them. It’s done.”

“But I have more questions she could answer…” Loki says with an amused smile.

Jane rolls her eyes. “Well, agree to disagree. I doubt she has any more important information. And why does it matter anymore? You’re not going to Asgard, are you?”

“Why? Don’t you want me to play the role of the hero? Let my positivism and bravery guide me to Asgard, where I will be killed for my well-natured foolishness.”

“Positivism? No. Bravery? You have plenty. Well-natured foolishness? Absolutely not. But your over-confidence can guide you to behave like a bad-natured fool.”

He raises a brow, amused. “I promise you I won’t do anything foolish until I save you from the aether.”

She isn’t completely happy about the time condition, but she can’t put words to that discomfort, so she simply says: “Good.”

+++

He spends the whole afternoon studying the Red Dhalia, and he doesn’t move from the small desk they have in their bedroom – more like _her_ bedroom, considering he hasn’t slept in it yet. She hasn’t seen him rest from the moment they moved into the cabin and so many months has passed since that day. It worries her, but right now, with so many unsaid words between them, it’s not the right moment for more arguments. So she lets him study, and she tries to feel grateful that he’s so determined to save her, instead of feeling irritated by the way in which he distances himself from her.

Sometimes, he approaches Cora and says a silly thing that makes her laugh. Jane tries to ignore them – it’s for a mission, she reminds herself, but she still feels ignored.

She feels the aether inside of her, as if she had a snake slithering through her veins. It’s uncomfortable, even painful, but she doesn’t want to ask Loki for help. Her pride forces her to contain her pain and feign that everything is ok. That night, she prepares a cold bath and pours ice on it. She’s feeling again the heat and she’s suffocating in her own body temperature.

When she gets into the bath, she sighs, relieved. It’s working, she doesn’t feel fully normal, but at least the burning sensation is slowing down. She waits until it seems like the aether has given up. Now, the water is comfortably warm, her body had functioned as a heater. She closes her eyes, and when she opens them, Loki is in front of her, dressed with his battle outfit, as she hadn’t seen him in a long time.

She feels immediately embarrassed of her naked body under the water, but he doesn’t take any steps to move closer or further away. She takes calculated breaths, trying to calm her nervous heart, and then – in a bold impulse of bravery, she stands up, exposing all of herself to him.

It’s in that moment when he closes the distance between them in fast strides. Jane thinks he’s going to kiss her, and he does, but not where she was expecting. He starts kissing her shoulder, her clavicle, her sternum… He goes down, until he finds her breasts and he sucks her nipple. Her body trembles and she can’t contain a moan. She closes her eyes when his mouth starts feasting on her other breast, and his hands caress her sides until they dig into the meat of her hips.

The tingling sensation, now so familiar, runs through her whole body and when she opens her eyes, she freezes. Thor is looking at them, with a betrayed expression, from the doorway. She opens her mouth in surprise, but another moan escapes – and she feels the redness of her aroused skin mix with the redness of her embarrassment. Thor doesn’t take his eyes off them, and Jane feels the guilt even more strongly when she doesn’t find the strength to push Loki away. Is the aether forcing her to be remain still or is it her own desire? Loki continues with his ministrations, using his tongue expertly on her oversensitive nipples.

Another moan and suddenly Thor disappears, Loki disappears, and the only proof of the scene is her body, still aroused. Another hallucination, another one of the aether’s tricks.

“It shows you what you want to see” she mutters to herself, “and then it turns it into a nightmare.”

Yes, the aether knows about their plan, and it’s feeling vindictive.

She pushes away the recollection of her humiliation and tries to control the aether that still rages. Jane dresses up, dries her hair, and leaves the bathroom. The cabin would be in full silence, if it were not for the whispers that come from outside. Curious, Jane moves to the door and peaks out. What she sees there, freezes her in place:

Loki and Cora are kissing against a corner, Loki has his hands tangled into her hair and it’s treating her with a lot more delicacy than he did with her. A new kind of monster invades Jane and before she can think it through, she stamps out of the house and stands next to them. They immediately jump away from the other. Cora looks positively scared, Loki only looks mildly irritated.

“Go to your bedroom, Cora.” She tells the maid with a severe tone.

The elf, mortified, nods with her head and runs into the cabin. As soon as the sound of her steps disappear, Jane slaps Loki.

“Is this going to become our regular greeting? Because I am not sure I like it.” Loki asks.

“What the heck do you think you’re doing?”

“I told you. Charm the girl, make her trust me, get answers out of her.”

“Get answers? That’s not exactly what you were doing. She’s so young, Loki, and you were taking advantage of her.”

“Young? She may look like it, but she’s centuries old. You’re the infant here, Jane Foster.” He says in an angry tone. Is that how he sees her? Like a little girl? He didn’t think that _last night._ “And she initiated the kiss. She’s not as innocent as she looks, either. Quite experienced, actually.”

His words make her blood boil. “I see, but as far as she’s concerned, you have a wife.”

“As far as she’s concerned, I have an ill wife… that can’t always take care of her husband’s needs.”

Furiously, she grabs his neck and forces his mouth against her. Their tongues dance in unison and their teeth clash, it isn’t an elegant kiss, but it’s full of need and sentiment.

“Ill… you said?” She mutters, when they separate.

“You don’t want this, Jane Faster.”

“Don’t tell me what I want.”

“You want my brother.”

She steps back as if he had slapped her. “That’s what you think? That I fucked you yesterday… because of Thor?”

“A dirty mouth for such a lovely maiden.” He mutters.

She ignores him, knowing he’s just trying to divert the conversation.

“You’re nothing like your brother. I couldn’t have thought of him while I was _fucking_ you, even if I wanted to.” She says, using the dirty word again on purpose.

He raises both brows, “If you’re going to start comparing my performance with his…”

“I never went that far with him.”

“What?”

“We only kissed.”

“So he was a gentleman, and of course, I was the scoundrel who took advantage of you.”

“You ask me not to start comparing you with your brother, and you do exactly that and somehow, in your estimation, you always end up losing against him. I just told you I was more intimate with you than I ever was with him, and you think he’s winning? You didn’t take advantage of me. In any case, I took advantage of you… because I wanted you. I want you, even when I don’t understand why.”

He looks at her as if he is waiting for her to add that she’s joking and his mistrust irritates her. “So what do you want from me, exactly?” He asks.

Is he being obtuse in purpose? To force her to beg him or humiliate herself for breadcrumbs of his affection?

Boldened, she takes some steps to him. “I suppose what every woman wants from his husband.” And she kisses him, this time more tenderly. To every doubt she has, she answers: Why not? It’s the end of the world. But when he corresponds her kiss with the same tenderness, she decides that she doesn’t need any more excuses.

The next day, Jane has a conversation with Cora, where she fires her and tells her that ‘Her husband and her don’t need her services anymore.’ 

+++

Jane sits next to Loki in the carriage that would take them to the pig farm. It’s the first time she ventures outside of the cabin, besides her short walks through the surrounding woods. Her emotions are conflicted: Sometimes she wants to cry – For Thor, for Asgard – but at the same time, she wants to smile and let herself be soothed by the beautiful nature and the fresh air in her face. The memories of last night threaten to make her smile bigger, and she doesn’t feel like she has any right after all the devastation she has caused to Asgard.

But she knows, deep down, that if it wasn’t for the aether, she would be incredibly content with the life she has now. Of course, she misses her work, and she misses her friends, and she misses going out to see the world (or the realms), but there’s something peaceful in this moment, and in how safe she feels in his company.

She should hate the man that sits beside her. She shouldn’t have forgiven him so easily, but _his_ world has ended, and she can’t find the strength in her to not feel blessed by his company (and his wit, and his touch, and his smile).

Loki stops the carriage in front of the farm, and steps down from it with the book under his arm. Jane imitates him, while she looks at the pigs that rest on the mud, restrained by fences. The peace she felt vanishes in an instant when she remembers what she is going to do to those poor innocent animals.

She swallows her own conscience and tries to make a joke, “Please, tell me I don’t need to have sexual intercourse with them.” He raises one brow, and she shakes her head. “Sorry. I make really bad jokes when I am nervous.”

“I needed to be as close to you as possible to connect with the aether. Apparently, from the first time I casted the spell, we were already linked, I just needed to get closer.”

“Yes. I suppose you can’t get closer than that.” Immediately, she flinches. Another bad joke. Stop it, Jane, she tells herself. You are not being cute. She takes a deep breath. “So what do we have to do?”

He doesn’t explain it, instead, he shows it to her. Loki draws some kind of circular rune on the ground and hands her a dagger.

“The spell needs my blood. Doesn’t it?” Jane asks, and she can read the answer in his face. “Of course it does.” She mutters.

“The aether is in your blood.” Loki says, with a movement of his wrist, he levitates one of the pigs above the fence and positions it on the middle of the circle without him needing to take any step. She looks at it, fascinated, still impressed by his magic, even for such small tricks. “But the spell only needs some drops of your blood. You have to spill them on the pig, while you’re both standing in the middle of the rune.”

“Okay. I can do that.” Jane says. She takes a deep breath, cuts her hand and pours her blood on the poor animal. She immediately starts feeling how an invisible energy runs through her body and escapes from the cut in her hand. A few seconds later, the animal starts to scream, suffering the pain of hosting the aether.

Jane tries not to look away, as a form of respect for the animal that’s bearing her curse. “I’m sorry,” She says, containing her tears. ‘It’s you or me’ she thinks, but that mere thought makes her feel even more dirty.

Isn’t that something a villain would say?


	6. The warning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter for Day 6 of Lokane Week
> 
> AU: Fairy Tales · Soulmate Marks · Mythologies · Historical

Chapter 6: The Warning

 

                 She feels so weightless that she almost believes she can fly. The monster inside her is now a small dot of dust, still intrusive, but not powerful enough to harm her. She knows it will grow, she knows it will consume her once again and she will need to sacrifice another poor pig to feel alive. But she can’t think about that now, she can’t think about Thor’s death, she can’t think about Asgard under the thumb of Malekith.

She just wants to forget all the horrible circumstances that took her to that small wooden cabin, and laugh, and kiss and feel. Between the curtains, the sun’s rays burst into their bedroom – and it’s finally _their_ bedroom, because he finally shares the bed with her. She rolls over to his side, invading his territory and his body with butterfly kisses on his whole face, from his forehead to his nose and his jaw.

“Okay, okay. I’m not asleep anymore, you did it. You woke me up.” He mutters, faking grumpiness. She laughs, and he silences her with a kiss. It starts soft, but he soon makes it more passionate, rolling over her and pressing her body against the mattress.

“No, Loki, as tempting as it is, we’re not going to spend the whole day on bed. You promised me you were going to take me to the market. Please.”

He sighs, “It could still be dangerous. Even with a weakened aether, someone could see you.”

“Me? You’re the celebrity here. Nobody knows who I am.”

“People here only know me by name, as a prince of Asgard. We don’t have TV or photographs, so no one has seen my face if they haven’t been invited to Asgard’s palace before.”

“See? Nobody will know who we are.”

“That’s not the point. Malekith is looking for you.”

“He isn’t. He’s in Asgard, playing to be king.” She regrets her words the moment his face darkens. “I am sorry, I shouldn’t have said that.”

“No. It’s the truth.”

“I will go crazy if I don’t leave this house. It’s been six months, Loki. Half a year.” Jane gets closer to him and kisses his shoulder, “Please?”

“You are not going to convince me with your kisses. Quite the opposite, that only tells me that I shouldn’t let you leave this bedroom.” She sends him a look of exasperation and he sighs, “Ok. You win. Let’s go out.”

+++

They go walking to the closest town, and Jane rambles during the whole way. Her excitement is contagious and even Loki can’t contain a smile.

“What will we say then if they ask us how we met?”

“I am sure no one is going to ask us that.”

“Just in case. We need a background story, _Mr. Foster_.” She stops in her tracks. “Wait, if your last name is Foster and I adopted it when we married, what was my single name?”

“Whatever you want.”

“Oh! I know. Skywalker!”

“That’s a stupid name.”

“Don’t tell that to Darth Vader.”

“Who?” He asks, looking at her with adorable confusion.

“Nobody. It doesn’t matter. Okay, then, I will be Jane Scully.”

“No. You’re Jane Foster, we’re married, remember?”

“Yeah. It’s kinda difficult to forget it. So, how did we meet? I suppose I can say I dated your brother first, but then I fell in love with you. That will be easy to remember.”

“Unrealistic.”

“What? That’s the truth, I dated your brother first.”

“I didn’t steal you from him, Jane. He died, you would still be with him if he were alive.”

She resents him a little bit for mentioning Thor’s death, for destroying so swiftly her actual good mood. She wants to have a day for herself, for them, without being haunted by their own ghosts. It’s probably selfish, but she can’t find the courage to be selfless right now.

Part of her wants to believe him, to assure herself that if Thor was still alive, nothing would have happened between Loki and her – that she wouldn’t have betrayed Thor in such a way. But she isn’t so sure about that hypothetical future, it’s been six intense months, and now he’s such an integral part of her life that the idea of him being a casual acquittance, even a brother-in-law, is laughable, at times uncomfortable.

And she’s also unsure of what they are now. Yes, they kiss, they fuck, they mess around, they live together… but what’s real and what’s a convenient lie? Is their relationship simply a way to release tensions? She doesn’t have the answers, she doesn’t dare to ask him, and her anger at herself for her cowardice and at him for being so damn mysterious, pushes her to respond with a curt remark:

“Well, we can always say I met you when you were trying to conquer my planet.”

“That sounds good.” He says, probably to exasperate her, “but again, no one is going to ask us that.”

“I am only trying to make sure we have a solid story, like spies do, so we won’t be caught in a lie.”

“I am the God of Lies, I won’t be caught in a lie.”

  
“Well, I am not that good of a liar,” She mutters, although she thinks that considering their current situation, that story feels more like the truth than a lie. She remembers she read somewhere that it’s better to use lies close to the truth, so she won’t end up lost in her own web of lies. That’s what she plans to do.

They arrive at the market and Loki watches as she gets excited over types of fruit she has never seen before, magical trinkets, star maps and every object she doesn’t understand. Jane asks one question after the other and Loki answers with a proud smile, happy to be able to show off his vast knowledge in front of someone who doesn’t ridicule him for it.

The evening goes by faster that she had hoped, and her good mood still mixes with her guilt. Because she shouldn’t feel this elated, she should be grieving and even scared of her own shadow, as if Malekith were hidden behind every vendor and every open window. But there’s something about isolation and time that cures everything, or maybe it just makes her incautious. Freedom is her current drug and she can’t think or feel anything else. She’s outside the cabin, breathing fresh hair, enjoying the company of Loki, who’s also in a surprisingly good mood.

Only, he’s isn’t by her side right now. She turns around, momentarily confused. Where is he? He was behind her only two minutes ago. The market is crowded, and she can’t find his black clothing among the pedestrians. She had been so focused in the sensation of freedom, finally experiencing the realm where she have been living the last months, that she has lost him without realizing it. She hopes that they have gotten separated in the crowd, and that no danger has befallen him. She knows Loki can take care of himself, but she feels oddly insecure without him, especially under such mysterious circumstances.

“Did you lose your prince, Jane Faster?” A female voice asks behind her.

She turns around and her breath hitches, nobody should know that Loki resides in Vanaheim now, nobody should know her name. She looks at a marquee, the voice had come from the darkness beyond those curtains. Again, the same voice addresses her:

“Come here, don’t be afraid. I am not your enemy.” An old woman with blue dyed hair and exotic robes steps out of the darkness, and smiles at her. “I won’t give you up to Malekith. I can see the future, and he won’t won. Wouldn’t it be silly of me to take his side?”

Jane still doesn’t move, as if her silence could protect her.

The woman takes another step. “I am not going to hurt you. I merely want to give you a warning.”

Jane blinks, and she finally finds her voice, “What is it?”

“ _Don’t forget the curse that lives inside you._ It will be easy now to forget, but such a demon doesn’t like to be ignored.” Jane swallows. She’s talking about the aether. How she knows? She hasn’t given voice to her question, but the witch still hears it. “I serve the Norns, they gave me the gift of a seer. You’re lucky, they pondered for a long time about your fate, but they have already decided.”

Jane shakes her head, “I don’t believe in fate.”

“So you think that your current circumstances are just a coincidence?” The seer shakes her head, as if that were a ridiculous notion. “I have given my warning, you can go now if you please. If you’re looking for the God of Mischief, you only have to follow the red thread that ties you together.”

Jane frowns, confused. “A red thread? Do you mean the aether?” She has the aether inside of her, and the aether has connected with Loki. Can the witch see that link, as if it were a physical rope?

“It doesn’t have anything to do with the aether. The Norns weaved it themselves, it’s like a mark, that joins your soul and his.”

“Like a soulmark?”

“Exactly like that.” The woman steps toward Jane and she seems to caress an invisible cord that’s tied to Jane’s wrist. “It’s a brightly red. Beautiful. Not all the soul threads are the same color.”

“I don’t believe in soulmates, if that’s what you’re implying. Fate isn’t written. We decide. Our choices matter.”

“Of course they matter. It’s written now, but it wasn’t written years ago. It’s a very recent work from the Norns, and your decisions and actions inspired them. They’re always working, they never rest. Of course, they could change their mind. It has happened before.” The witch looks down again at the thread, “Although this seems quite thick, it won’t be easy to break it.”

Jane nods, although she doesn’t completely believe her, “I have to go.”

“I know. Don’t forget about your particular demon, Jane. Remember that.” The woman waves her hand, as if seeing goodbye.

“Jane? Where did you go?” Loki’s voice behind her startles her. Jane turns around and she breathes, relieved to see him there and unharmed.

“I was just talking to…” She turns around, and suddenly the woman and her marquee have completely disappeared. “She was here just a second ago.” She mutters, confused.

“Who?”

“A witch that works for the Norns.”

“The Norns talked to you?” Loki asks, as if the notion wasn’t completely absurd to him.

Jane nods, “Yeah, but they didn’t say anything new. Just to remember the aether.” Jane says, choosing to keep for herself the witch’s words about soulmates. She doesn’t even know what Loki thinks of her, if she’s just a distraction for him, a mission that her mother has forced on him. Jane doesn’t have any doubt that he wouldn’t appreciate any mention of soul threads and written fates.

Loki looks at her with confusion, and Jane wonders if he will ask her if she’s telling the whole truth, but then he simply shrugs and says: “Are you ready to go back home?”

Jane nods, feeling suddenly drained. “Yes. Let’s go home.”

+++

It’s weeks later when Jane wakes up to an empty bed. At first, she’s disoriented, not knowing what time it is or where she’s. When her recollections settle, a spear of fear runs through her body when she immediately notices Loki’s absence, as if she were sensing somehow that he wasn’t simply eating breakfast in the kitchen.

“Loki?” She asks, her voice uncertain.

There’s no answer and Jane jumps from the bed, her body tense and alert. She walks every room, leaving no corned unreached. Loki is nowhere and she promptly feels a mix of abandonment and worry. Did he finally tire of her? Did he finally realize than without any hope left for Asgard, she’s just an unwelcome burden? Did he grow claustrophobic in those four wooden walls and decided to explore other worlds without her?

Every unanswered question is like a dagger to her heart, and she sits in the table, feeling dizzy and distrusting her wobbly legs. When did she become this dependable woman? Did the aether take away every trace of independence and strength of mind she had? It’s an odd sensation to miss the person you were back then, and at the same time, dread with such desperation to go back to her old life.

Why would he leave her? Why wouldn’t he simply drop her in Midgard? The questions and the speculations about what he could be doing at the moment pile up during the morning and the afternoon, and in the first hours of the evening, when her sadness have turned into anger, she hears a painful gasp coming from the bedroom.

When she steps into it, she finds him on the floor, with closed eyes from the pain and his hands grabbing his side, that’s drenched in blood. Her anger dissipates with that terrifying image and she runs to kneel at his side. She shivers, uncertain, not knowing what to do or where to touch.

“What happened? Where did you go?”

Between clenched teeth, he mutters, “Asgard.”

“What? Why would you…?”

“She’s fine. She’s alive, Odin too.”

“Your parents? You went to check on your parents?”

He nods, “They’re his prisoners but he hasn’t killed them.”

Jane nods, relieved. “That’s good, but now, your wound… What do I do?”

He looks at her, confused, as if he didn’t really understand what she was asking. “Nothing. It’s just a stab wound. I had a fight with some of Malekith’s guards before I could make the jump here.”

“Just a stab wound?” Jane asks, incredulous.

“It will cure itself, I just need some time.” He takes a breath and stands up with some difficulty. Jane helps him settle into the bed and she sits on his other side. She doesn’t know what else to say, so the silence grows deep until he mutters, “Once again, they didn’t want to leave Asgard.”

She recognizes the rage in his words, the pain, the feeling that his parents are choosing Asgard over him. He wasn’t only second to Thor, he also had to compete with the Kingdom, and there, he always lost.

Jane lets him speak, knowing he’s talking more to himself than to her. “They said the Norns sent my mother a vision, that they will win, that they only needed to follow the events in the visions. Heimdall is hiding in the mountains and the Norns say he will rescue them, so they just wait.”

“Did the visions say something about you?”

He shrugs, “I am not that important in this war.” His self-deprecating words pain Jane and she realizes, without surprise, that she cares – she cares too damn much.

So she shares with him her pain, hoping it would at least distract him, “I thought you were gone. That you had abandoned me.”

He doesn’t answer, he simply lazes his fingers with hers and Jane’s breath hitches. It’s the most intimate gesture they’ve shared, more than sex, more than deep words, more than meals. She looks at the stab wound, that has almost disappeared under the torn fabric of his armor.

Jane moves towards him, inhales his aroma and kisses the corner of his mouth. She needs him close, she wants him close. With careful movements, as to not hurt him if he’s still in pain, she straddles him.

“How is the pain?” She asks her, their noses almost touching.

“Almost gone.” He mutters before kissing her more passionately.

She melts in his arms like butter. This time, there isn’t guilt, just them.

+++

Days pass in a blissful routine of shared meals, naked bodies rubbing against each other, moans of pleasure, long showers, casting spells and dead pigs. With every day, the guilt dissipates – she doesn’t feel like she’s betraying Thor with every kiss and she sees the pigs that die, burned by the aether’s power, as a necessary evil. Jane doesn’t shy away from their terrifying cries when the aether infest them and she tries to thank them for their sacrifice with her fixed stare. A sad recompense, of course, but she’s grateful that she’s alive and that with every new spell, a big part the aether exits her body, leaving her feeling liberated for the next weeks.

During those days, it’s so easy to forget her own curse. Those days, she’s a normal girl and there is no demon inside of her.

Loki pours wine on her glass as Jane looks at him with a pensive air.

“What?” He asks, curt but not impolite, one raised eyebrow.

Jane smiles, “It’s our one year anniversary.”

Loki sits, frowning, but the fact that he doesn’t immediately run away seems like a good sign to Jane. “You know we’re not really married. Don’t you?”

She was expecting such a comeback, so she doesn’t feel offended. She rolls her eyes, “I mean from the moment we arrived at the cabin. It’s been a year. We should do something.”

“Something?” He asks, uncertain.

“Yes. Like a trip… You can take us anywhere just with a snap of your fingers, can’t you?”

He raises an eyebrow and looks at her with amusement, “I suppose.”

“Well. I want to go somewhere else, just for some days. You can choose where.”

“I will think about it.”

Jane smiles, knowing that although he’s pretending to be thinking about it, the answer is already yes. And just how she imagined, two days later, Loki wakes her up and tells her to pack whatever she needs and get ready. Jane wishes him a good morning with a radiant smile and a passionate kiss.

Although Loki would probably deny it if anyone asked, their trip to Alfheim isn’t very different to a honeymoon – They do some sightseeing and visit the most beautiful cities during the day, and they spend every night tangled in each other’s arms.

The day they arrive at the hotel, Jane waits for him at the bar, while Loki checks them into the hotel. She’s finishing her drink – she isn’t sure what it is, but it has alcohol and it taste delicious – when a handsome blond man sits next to her.

“Why is a pretty girl like you drinking alone?”

She looks at him, irritated by the unwanted company, but she immediately recognizes his eyes and the amusement that shines in them. It’s Loki, who’s in the mood for some mischief. Well, two can play at that.

 “Waiting for my husband. He’s taking too long.” She turns to him, pointing at him with her legs, and trying to make pretty obvious her interest and attention. “Maybe you can distract me while he’s away?”

He frowns, surprised. Maybe he didn’t expect her to go along with it.

“Won’t you husband care?”

“We’re not that close. Sometimes, we like to try new things.” Boldly, she caresses his chin. His eyes open wide, in astonishment. “Did you get a room?” She asks, with a sly smile.

He nods, and before she can say any word, she’s grabbing his wrist and pushing him towards the elevator. Once they’re inside and the doors close, she pushes him against the walls and starts kissing him.

“If we continue like this, I am not sure we’re going to get to the room.” He mutters between kisses. Jane laughs and starts unbuttoning his pants. He gasps, surprised. “My, my. I never expected to find such a minx alone in the bar. You are an exhibitionist, aren’t you?”

She hesitates for a second – Because she isn’t, she would die of embarrassment if she were on Earth. But this is an unknown realm full of aliens, and the drink is doing weird things to her inhibitions. She reminds herself that she should never drink something if she doesn’t know what it contains. Or maybe it’s Loki, maybe it’s his fault that she’s becoming such a shameful stranger.

She tries once again to unbutton his pants, but they’re resisting. The doors of the elevator open, interrupting them. To their luck, there’s nobody in the hall. They walk with long and quick strides to the room. Loki opens the door and pushes her inside. Jane immediately tries to take hold of his belt, but Loki grabs her wrist and shakes his head.

“No, no, no. I like to be the dominant one. Can you be submissive, dear?”

“Yes.” She says in whisper that sounds too closely to a moan.

He smiles, “You’re so desperately hungry for someone you don’t know.”

She nods. It’s clear that he wants to continue to pretend they’ve just met. “We should be quick. I wouldn’t want my husband to find us.”

“Is he a dangerous sort?”

“The most dangerous there is.” She mutters, gasping as he sucks into her pulse point. She grabs his blond hair, and for the first time since they started, she feels like she’s really hooking up with a stranger. “Wait, wait.” She mutters.

Loki stops and looks at him with a frown. “Having second thoughts?”

She hakes her head, “I like how you normally look better. Can you change back?”

“Excuse me?” He asks, as if he doesn’t understand her.

Jane raises both brows. Is he going to try to convince her that she made a mistake and he’s really a stranger? She doesn’t like that game so much now. She shakes her head, “Please, Loki. Stop it, it’s fun to be other people but… I think I prefer when we’re us.”

“Wait. You knew who I was?”

Jane steps back, surprised. “You didn’t know I knew?” To her relief, Loki immediately adopts his normal appearance. “Did you really think I would kiss anyone that says hi to me in a bar?” Jane asks, offended.

“Well, not anyone. But I thought he was your type.”

“My type?” She asks, trying to remember what type of man the blond guy was. Oh, she gets it immediately. “You think I prefer blond burly guys because of Thor?”

“It’s not an unusual preference. You wouldn’t be the first woman to prefer that type, and Asgard is full of them.” His voice is distant, direct, and she immediately knows that he’s trying to make her angry. It isn’t unusual with him, it’s some kind of self-sabotage, but she’s not going to allow him to win.

“I don’t have a type. Sometimes I like my man to be clever, and raven-haired and so pale that I can follow his blue veins with the tip of my fingers.” He’s looking at her with an odd expression, probably trying to decide if he should feel offended or flattered by her description of him.

She doesn’t wait for him to make a decision and kisses him, passionately. When they break apart, he asks, “Aren’t you angry at me?”

She should be, for his assumptions, for believing she would be unfaithful to him or that she would jump into the arms of a stranger. But she isn’t into self-sabotage as much as him, so she simply shows him a sly smile.

“Yes. And I will be properly angry at you tomorrow morning, but now, you owe me some orgasms.”

He looks at her with a raised brow, amused, and something in the way he’s staring at her makes her heart jump inside her chest – but this is not the time to think about biology, and she’s happy to surrender to his charms when he kisses her.

During the whole trip, she still can feel the aether navigating her vein streams, but it’s such a mild sensation that it’s easy to forget the discomfort it causes. During one of their nights in the hotel in Alfheim, Jane kisses Loki’s shoulder while he sleeps naked by her side, and in a self-conscious moment, she realizes that she feels content. It’s an odd realization, when she had always been quite unsatisfied with her lot in life. She had always wanted more success, more knowledge, a deeper relationship… and somehow, in the weirdest places, next to the most unexpected man, she feels in peace. She wonders if it’s the torture that she suffered under the aether’s influence what makes her now so uncomplicated, or maybe it’s just the pleasure of mind-blowing sex what’s blinding her.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is probably the happiest chapter in the whole fanfic, so you can imagine the storm is coming!


	7. The lost family, Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter for Day 7 of Lokane Week
> 
> (This is Part I, Part II will be posted next week)
> 
> DAY 7: Relationships: Firsts · Fake Dating · Marriage of Convenience · Family  
> (This is more about Firsts and Family - And I guess we already have a Fake Marriage here)
> 
> Warning: Smut! And also violent and less fun events to come :(

**Chapter 8:** _The lost family, Part I_

                   In their cabin in the woods, there aren’t Midgardian commodities and she hasn’t missed them as much as she does in this exact moment – while she sits on the lid of the toilet, with heavy eyes and a painful knot in her stomach.

She doesn’t know how to tell Loki. She doesn’t even know her own mind. He has been so good in the last months, serene as he has never been before, sarcastic but not violent, bitter but not especially resentful. She’s afraid that her next words will break his composure. But she can’t remain silent any longer.

Filled with a renovated determination, Jane approaches him in the living room, while he’s once again studying the Red Dhalia’s book, searching for some spell that will free Jane completely from the aether. She takes a deep breath and before she can think of a well-structured speech, the words spill out of her mouth without her consent:

“I am pregnant.”

And, of course, a _pregnant_ silence follows her confession.

Loki blinks, too slowly, and leaves the book on the table. He turns around, calmer than Jane expected. “That’s not possible.”

Denying it, the first phase, of course – Jane mutters to herself with a good dose of bitterness and anger. “I assure you it’s very possible. We did it without protection more than once.”

Jane knows they have been quite silly, but during the last months, life hasn’t really resembled life, and the worries of her normal life had taken a back seat to leave room to her odd feelings of guilt, lust and sometimes fear, and among that mix, an unexpected calm that doesn’t have any reason to be. Her life, in the last months, had been like a dream and a nightmare in equal measures.

“Our races have never bred before. We’re not compatible. We can’t be.”

But they are very compatible, if their activities under the sheets indicate something, it’s exactly that. Too much compatibility, too much chemistry, too much lust… for a reason that Jane doesn’t fully understand yet.

“Well, we will be the first then. I haven’t had my period in two months and I am starting to show. And you know I haven’t been with anyone else in years.”

“I am not accusing you of sharing another man’s bed.”

“I know. I know.” Jane nods, and an uncomfortable silence takes place between them. Jane looks down but she can still feel Loki’s eyes on her. “Look, I know we’re not in love. I know this is not a real marriage and that it would be the worst moment to have a kid. But I also know you were adopted, and that probably means you felt like your biological parents abandoned you, so I just wanted to tell you, so we could make a decision together.”

“What are you really asking me, Jane? You can’t really want to have a kid with me.” He says, his self-deprecating trait making an appearance at the most inopportune moment. “Do you want me to give you my absolution, so you can get rid of _whatever_ is growing inside of you without any guilt?”

His words provoke feelings of anger and pity in the same measures. Anger because of that offensive ‘whatever’ that denied their fetus any humanity, as if it were a monster before being born; and pity for the self-deprecating tone he used, as if the idea of having a kid with him were repulsive for her. The disconcerting truth is that Jane doesn’t feel so opposed to the idea, maybe it’s because of the charm of the isolated life in the woods, or the hours they spent reading books in front of the chimney in companionable silence, or their shared meals and their heated nights.

It has been very long since Jane had enjoyed the warmth of a home – and the memories of those days were always tainted by the pain of the recent death of her parents. She had been too angry with the world to appreciate Erik’s dedication to her stubborn teenage self and how hard he had tried to make her feel at home in his house.

Now the situation isn’t very different. Once again, a tragedy has secured her a second home. But now, differently from what she had done in past, she has buried her grief under her feet and has embraced the scraps of happiness and pleasure she could find: The freedom the Red Dhalia’s spell award her, the tingling sensation that Loki’s kisses and touches cause, and the peace of those lazy evenings when they simply live without worries.

And between the numbness, the buried pain, the unexpected happiness, the treasured peace and the guilty pleasure, she realizes that she wouldn’t mind turning this fake marriage into something real, making those intimate moments perdure forever and become a family – oh, how ridiculous it sounds in her head, but so tempting!

“You wouldn’t want to have a kid with me,” he repeats, not even looking at her.

“I would,” she responds, shily. Is she confessing something that she hasn’t admitted to herself yet? Is love what she wants from him? Or only warmth? “And I don’t care if, as you said, he’s the first half-Midgardian and half-Asgardian baby.”

He squints his eyes, as if she had said something ludicrous.

“Half-Asgardian you say? You can’t be so ignorant. Thor must have told you.”

The fact that he has chosen to mention his deceased brother signals that this is a matter of great importance to him. She’s sure his next words will be definitive – and as a penetrating as a stab wound – but she can’t be sure yet if they will destroy him, her or both of them.

“Do you think I am one of those golden Asgardians? Yes, this disguise is a convincing lie.” He says, his words laced with acid, as he points as his body.

“A disguise?” She mutters, confused.

“Do you want to see the real me?” He asks, standing up, angry without an apparent cause. And before Jane can say a word, his pale skin starts turning blue and some enigmatic lines, like circular runes, appear on his skin. His beautiful green eyes become a red hell, deeper than the aether, an intruding red that covers even the white of his eyes. “Do you see the monster now?”

The unexpected transformation shocks her and she takes an unconscious step back. She knows it’s the wrong move the moment his eyes darken. “What are you?” Jane asks between curiosity and astonishment.

“A Frost Giant. This is the creature you allow in your bed every night. Do you still want to bear his off spring?” His words feel like pointy daggers against her skin and Jane can’t shake off her foggy bewilderment to answer him. She wants to say he’s wrong, but she isn’t fast enough, because he says, “Just what I expected.” And he disappears in the blink of an eye, leaving her alone hugging her stomach.

+++

During the next hours, Jane wonders if he has left forever. The idea terrifies her, and she tries to remind herself that Loki wouldn’t break the promise he did to her mother. Still, that fear accompanies her during the rest of the day and she doesn’t breathe in relief until she suddenly hears his steps in the bedroom.

Their discussion didn’t solve anything, there’s still a baby growing inside of her, and Jane wonders if Loki thinks the strength of his self-deprecating words will be enough to make it disappear. No, it’s still there, she can feel it.

He’s back. He’s back. They still can fix this, whatever _this_ is.

Jane enters their bedroom, trying not to make any noise. Loki is already in bed, his back towards the door. Jane climbs on the bed, over the sheets, and hugs him from behind. His breath hitches, surprised, and Jane starts putting butterfly kisses on the back of his neck and his shoulders.

“Shouldn’t you be angry at me?” He asks, with a hoarse voice. Jane wonders how many times he has said so, and how many times she has answered him with a “no”, she doesn’t know if it’s because he always expects anger from others or if it’s because she forgives him too easily.

“Who says I am not?” Jane asks before licking his earlobe. He shudders, and she smiles, enjoying how deeply she affects him.

Loki turns around brusquely and now their noses are touching. He kisses her with passion, as if he expects this time to be the last one. A good bye. She matches his fervor with every kiss and every touch, and then, she rolls over him to straddle him, her skirt opening over his body like a blooming flower. Now, he doesn’t have any escape.

Jane smiles with naughtiness. “Clothes off.” She says, firmly, determined.

He blinks, surprised, but obeys. With a snap of his fingers, his clothes disappear. Jane, still fully dressed, starts to rock him. She can feel his erection growing under the fabric of her underwear.

“Mine as well, love. Don’t be selfish.” She says in a mocking tone, and the term of endearment shocks even herself – for a moment, she’s afraid that the word ‘love’ would scare him away, but it seems like he has only heard the order behind her words.

Loki smiles at her, and his smile sends shivers through her whole body. How did they get here? Jane wonders, in a moment of distraction. When she frees herself from the spell of his smile, she realizes that now she’s naked as well. His erect penis pokes against her entrance, and Jane doesn’t waste any more seconds. She positions herself and goes down, gasping as his whole length fills her.

Wanting to assert his dominance, he grabs her hips and starts moving her up and down, and they both moan with every thrust. The pleasure sends her to new heights and Jane tries to come back from the heavens to recover some of the control that Loki has stolen from her. This is _her_ battle. This is her show.

She knows he likes to be dominant, that the idea of losing any trace of control destabilizes him, but the few times in which she had directed them as a if they were a symphony, she had seen a different Loki – the lost boy, fragile and sensitive – and looking for that man has become a treasure hunt in itself.

“I want to see you.” She mutters.

“Then, open your eyes.” He answers, between gasps.

“No. The other you, the blue monster.” She says, knowing the word monster will make him shiver with a pain that borders into pleasure. He immediately shakes his head, as she was expecting. Jane starts raising her hips, disentangling her whole body from him at a slow and excruciating pace.

“No.” He complains, knowing she’s torturing him on purpose. He moves his arms to stop her, but she grabs his hands and pins them against the mattress. She bends over him, their lips close but not touching.

“Do it.” She whispers against his open lips. Now only the tip of his member is inside of her. He nods, lost in the mist of his pleasure, and Jane – with a victorious smile – slides down on him again. He gasps as her walls close tightly around him. “Do it.” She repeats.

He lets a moan spill from his lips, and in the next instant, his skin turns blue and Jane can feel how he grows inside of her. She screams his name, shocked by the unexpected and sudden increase of pleasure. She pants, riding him, not taking her eyes off him.

“Does it turn you on, Jane? Fucking a monster?”

“Fucking _you_ turns me on.” She says with a devilish smile.

His skin has always been cold, but not as much as it is now. The initial discomfort it provokes disappears in a heartbeat after she starts making the friction faster. The contrast between his cold skin and her hot body makes all the sensations even more extreme. She bends over him, wanting to taste his mouth. When their tongues touch, she realizes that it’s thicker and rougher than it was before, but it doesn’t scratch her, it’s soft in its own way.

Jane stands up and climbs out of the bed, “Don’t move.” She tells him in an authoritative tone. He blinks, confused, but he doesn’t move a muscle. Jane stands in front of the bed and with her eyes, she drinks every corner of his blue body. She wanted to fully see him.

“How can you like me like this?” He asks, as if he were accusing her of some depravation.

“You’re beautiful. Fascinating.” Jane says, getting closer. “Look at these lines, they’re like runes. Do they mean something?” She asks.

“You know as much as I do.” Loki answers, looking away in shame. Jane starts caressing the lines with her fingers and he gasps at the contact.

“Is it pleasurable?”

Loki takes several seconds to answer, but he finally does, “Yes, they’re more sensitive, I think.”

Jane smiles naughtily, grabs his tights and pulls his whole body towards the edge of the bed. She kneels in front of it, her eyes fixed in his erection and the darker blue lines that join at the tip.

“Jane, you don’t need to…” His words die in his throat when Jane licks the tip of his penis. His eyes close, probably without his direct consent.

“You can return the favor later.” Jane says and her stomach rages with anticipation.

He opens his eyes brusquely, “Jane, you can’t mean… You can’t really want _that_.”

“I want all of you. Why? Do you want to stop?” Jane doesn’t stop to wait for an answer and she takes his penis in her mouth. Her tongue starts playing with it, tasting every contour, and he answers her with a deep moan.

“Jane, I am not going to be able to… You have to…” Loki starts to say, between spams.

Jane knows exactly what he’s trying to warn her about, but she doesn’t care, she’s curious. So she continues, with faster movements than before and using her hand to caress his testicles. He immediately comes inside her mouth, and Jane smiles against him, as if she had just won – not the battle, but the whole war.

“I wanted to know how it tastes.” Jane says. Loki looks at her with a mix of fascination and bewilderment. “It tastes like ice cream.” He regards her with a terrifying stare and she laughs, “I am joking. It tastes exactly the same. See? You’re still you.” She climbs over him, lies down, suddenly tired, and leans her head on his chest.

He kisses the top of her head, “It’s your turn.”

“It’s okay if you don’t want to. I know you don’t feel like yourself in this body and I have already pushed you to…” He silences her with a kiss.

“It’s your turn.” He repeats, and when his tongue licks and sucks her most intimate parts as if they were a peach, she can’t do more than moan in unbelievable pleasure. Her orgasm comes like a devasting wave, and she screams his name once again.

“God. Your tongue is amazing.” She mutters, in the aftershocks of her delightful orgasm.

“I am called Silvertongue for a reason.”

+++

The smell of baked onions invades every room in the house more swiftly than any army. Loki steps into the house, and immediately frowns when he sees Jane crouching in front of the oven.

“What are you doing? I thought tonight was my turn to cook dinner.”

Jane stands up, and smiling at him, she shrugs. “I was in the mood for it. My mother used to bake onions just because she loved the smell.” Jane touches her stomach unconsciously, “And I am craving it.”

Jane counts to five in her mind, waiting for him to say something, but he merely shrugs. They haven’t talked again about her pregnancy and Jane doesn’t know how to approach the topic without provoking one of his sour moods.

Finally, trying to regulate her voice so she wouldn’t sound so nervous, she comments, “Do you think he will have your magic?”

Loki looks up at her, with a confused expression. “Who?”

Jane bits her lip, “Him.” She says, touching her stomach.

She notices the exact moment that Loki understands who she meant. His shoulders immediately tense, and Jane waits for his answer with batted breath. “Do you think he will be a boy?” Loki asks.

 Jane feels her body relax at his use of the future tense and she nods. “Yes, it’s a hunch, and I wouldn’t mind if it’s a girl. I really don’t care. So… your magic?” She asks again.

“I don’t know… Frost Giants don’t traditionally have magic that’s unrelated to ice. I don’t really know where my skills for it come from, maybe I absorbed it somehow when Odin turned me into this.” He says, pointing at his body.

Jane walks to him, “So you’re one of a kind in the whole universe.” She says, touching his cheeks with her hands. “And he will be, too.”

He nods, and Jane can see the conflict in his eyes. After several seconds that seem eternal, his whole body relaxes, as if he had taken a resolution. “I could try to teach him magic.”

Jane smiles, knowing how hard those words were for him. She kisses him in the lips, sweetly, and when she separates from him, she notices that his eyes are doubtful once again. Loki touches her stomach, carefully, as if she were carrying a bomb inside of her.

“It could kill you. Your body may not be ready for a half Frost Giant baby.”

Jane nods, “I know. I have thought about it.”

“And you still want to have it?” Loki asks, confused.

“You’re the greatest sorcerer in the nine realms and you will be by my side if problems arise. Won’t you?” Jane asked, feeling suddenly shy and terrified. This changes everything. She is asking him to remain by her side for a long time, not only for the duration of the pregnancy but also until their child becomes an adult.

“The greatest in the nine realms? You put too much faith in me.”

“No, only the fair amount.” Jane says, kissing him once again.

+++

Weeks after they dined baked onions, a visceral scream wakes Loki up in the morning. He jumps from the bed, immediately adopting a battle stance, expecting enemies at their door. But the enemy, as it has always been, is inside. He turns around, alarmed by Jane’s cries and momentarily confused. What he sees breaks him in small pieces. He had been tortured, ridiculed and almost killed in the bloodbaths of many wars… but he knows now that his nightmares will never forget the image he has in front of him.

Jane is laying on a puddle of her own blood. She is grapping her stomach strongly and crying hysterically. The sadness and desperation of her eyes multiply when she looks up and finds him staring.

“It killed him. The aether killed our baby! The witch warned me, she said: ‘Don’t forget the aether.’ But I didn’t listen. I didn’t listen.” Jane exclaims, her face twisted by the worst of all the pains. At first petrified, Loki finally recovers the movement of his legs, and hugs her, hiding his face in her bosom. Jane caressed his hair, still crying. “Take it off me, please. I don’t care anymore. You can have it. You can do whatever you want with its power.”

Loki looks up at her eyes and shakes his head, “I don’t want it. Not anymore. Not after this.” He touches her stomach, urgently, hoping that his magic would tell him that their son was still alive in her womb. Before, he was able to feel a small beating heart, but there is nothing alive now. Only the traces of the aether, of the devastation it has caused.

He tries to convince himself than the happy family idea he and Jane had deluded themselves to believe has always been a moot dream, but not even the logic of that knowledge can sate his anger and pain.

“Take it off me.” She says again, grabbing his neck forcefully.

He drinks from the furious determination of her eyes. “I never figured out how. But I know of someone who… Jane, do you trust me?”

To his surprise, she doesn't even hesitate before nodding. This time, it would be their real apocalypse. They can’t keep waiting for a sign from Asgard. They can’t continue hiding from their enemy. They have to end their passivity and go to war.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry! It killed me to kill their baby in such a cruel way, but I needed them to:  
> A) Be completely lost in the Illusion that they were an actual family.  
> B) Do something to push them over the edge - Now they have to act.
> 
> (Basically the main idea from this fanfic was having them become in their own way a family in the most traditional sense - with their good dose of angst and inevitabillity). Did I do it right? I hope so, although I am aware it went way too fast.
> 
> Only one chapter to go, the resolution, coming soon... I promise!


	8. The lost family, Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, the ending! Enjoy the reading!

Chapter 8: Lost family, Part 2.

                Asgard looks like a ghost town, it _feels_ like it. It’s devoid of noise, even the dust and the stains from the used stone walkways seem to have vanished. Jane embraces herself, feeling suddenly cold. Her temperature has been extremely cold since the last ritual, and Jane welcomes it, because it means the aether is chained inside of her. She feels like a walking crime scene, and the killer is still hiding inside.

Loki walks in front of her, slowly, looking at every corner and at every unexpected sound. Suddenly, he stops in his tracks, and Jane does the same, allowing her hand to rub against his knuckles, hoping his tangible presence will calm her beating heart.

“What is it?” She asks in a whisper.

“Someone is following us.” Loki says, frowning. He turns around and squints his eyes, as if trying to see in the distance.

“Well. That’s what we were expecting, wasn’t it?” Jane says, trying to make sure that her words hide her nervousness well. She isn’t sure she’s successful but she supposes it doesn’t really matter.

“It’s not Malekith, or any of his men.” His frown suddenly turns into a wide smile and Jane finds the image odd and out of place, he hasn’t smiled since they lost their son.

The silence becomes thick between them as they try to hear whispers through the darkness. A very familiar voice breaks the noise, “I would have expected a stealthier plan from you, brother. Did you decide to walk through the main door to rescue our parents?”

“Thor!” Jane exclaims. _He’s alive, he’s alive, he’s alive_ – the voice inside her says, this time in a cheery tone. “You’re alive?” It’s an odd question, but she fears he’s just another one of the aether’s illusions.

Thor looks healthy and very much alive, the only proof of the war is the eyepatch, that probably covers an empty socket. Thor, who was walking in her direction, stops when he hears her words:

“Did you think I was dead?”

“It’s a long story.” Loki says, but he isn’t looking at Thor, he’s looking at Jane, attentively, as if studying her. Jane frowns at him, confused by his sudden still demeanor. He recovers very quickly and looks at Thor with a thin smile, “You look like father.”

Thor smiles back, probably more because Loki is calling Odin father once again than for the joke. Thor walks to him and puts a hand on his shoulder, “It’s so good to see you again.”

“We don’t have time for emotional reunions,” Loki says, his smile frozen in a serious expression. “We have come for Malekith.”

“To kill him?”

“That will come later. For now, we’re going to give him exactly what he wants.” Loki informs him, smiling at Thor’s confusion. “The aether.”

“You can’t…” Thor says, but Jane interrupts him.

“The aether weakens you before it makes you strong. It will be easier to kill him right afterwards the aether infects his body. Believe me, I know it well.” Jane says, firmly.

“It’s a suicide mission, Jane.” Thor says, “You both should come with us. Heimdall and I are hiding as many people as we can in the mountains.”

Jane shrugs, “We don’t really care much about dying anymore.” She doesn’t want to die, but she doesn’t want to live with the aether inside of her – she doesn’t want to wait anymore. She’s aware she’s probably depressed after the miscarriage, but right now, her rage is the only thing that keeps her going.

Thor frowns, confused by the bitterness of her words, or the fact that she’s talking for both of them, as if they were an unbreakable unit. Jane supposes that he can’t really recognize her, she isn’t the Jane he knew. But he’s still the Thor she knew – and he could never abandon his friends to their fate, he could never give his back to an honorable battle, so she’s not surprised when he decides to accompany them, even when he expects to die.

In truth, Jane doesn’t know how the plan ends. She knows it starts as they expected: Malekith makes a show of his arrogance and his power, he levitates her over their heads like a ragged doll, and Jane feels the aether rebel at first but then, drawn by Malekith’s dark magic, the red demon betrays her once again and darts through every one of her cells before it exits through her mouth in the form of a black smoke column.

Still floating on the air, she loses consciousness. Blackness consumes her, but this time, a peaceful abyss awaits her.

+++

When she opens her eyes again, the white walls from the infirmary blind her and she can only see a blurry figure over her. She still smiles, recognizing at once the black hair and the strong angles of a very familiar pale face.

“Did we win?” She feels so tired that she’s surprised she still has a voice. She blinks, twice, until she can see Loki’s face without distortion. “Did you kill Malekith?”

“Thor did, just as you predicted so long ago. You were right to have faith in him.” Only hearing his voice makes her feel somehow calmer and Jane hates that he’s allowing this moment to be tainted with his insecurities. She tries to hold his hand to show him her support but in that exact moment, he takes a step away from her bed, and he’s out of reach. “How are you feeling?” He asks.

Jane sighs and tries to focus on her body, looking for any kind of pain or any trace of the aether. For the first time in years, she’s the only one occupying her body. “Surprisingly fine.” She finally answers. She frowns at his distance, why is he standing so far away from her? Why isn’t he climbing on bed with her? Why isn’t he kissing her forehead?

She feels a stab in her chest when that voice inside of her finds her answers: _They aren’t in a cabin in the woods anymore._ What now? She wants to ask him, and she has asked him this question so many times before, but now she’s scared of his answer.

“Good. You will be fine, Jane Foster.” He says, looking at her with an odd intensity.

Jane only nods and she opens her mouth, to ask him why he’s behaving so unlike himself, when the doors of the infirmary open and Thor bursts into the room, filling it with his bright presence. Jane feels an unfair resentment towards him, for stealing this small moment of privacy, but she’s too happy for his undead sate, and she can’t hold her resentment longer than two seconds.

“Jane!” Thor exclaims, standing in front of her bed and covering her sight of Loki. "How are you?"

“Sore and tired, but fine.” Jane answers, trying to force a smile. Through the corner of her eye, she sees Loki walking out of the infirmary. She sighs but decides that she will look for him later. They need to talk, they need to decide ‘what now?’ She returns her attention to Thor.

“You’re a brave soul, Jane.”

“No. We were just desperate.”

“It must have been a difficult year for you.”

Yes. No. _It feels like an entire life._ At the end, she simply nods. “Yes, an intense year and a half.” She says in a curt tone, as if accusing him of reducing the time of such an important period of her life. She shakes her head, trying to get rid of her odd feelings that veer into melancholy, “How are your parents, Thor?”

“Safe. They were held in a cell against their will, starving and always thirsty. But they’re gods and they’ve survived worse things.”

She nods, feeling content for their wellbeing and at the same time, envious of their resilience. She’s only human. Is that the only thing she is? A burden for Loki, maybe? And now that she’s back in Asgard, he doesn’t need to waste his time with her.

She realizes that Thor is talking to her, and she hasn’t been paying attention. “Jane, I…” He’s saying, apparently feeling uncharacteristically shy. She isn’t sure what he has been saying or what he intends to say now, but Jane feels the urgent need to stop his words. She isn’t ready for that conversation.

“Thor, I am tired, do you mind if we talk later?”

Thor looks disappointed, but he promptly hides it with a polite smile, as the gentleman he is. He nods, “Of course, you must rest. I will see you tomorrow. If you’re feeling better, will you accompany me to a dinner in celebration of Malekith’s downfall? It will be just my family.”

Jane blinks, not sure if she’s in the mood for it, but she supposes it’s the perfect time and place to approach Loki. She needs to talk to him, she needs to know where they stand. Thor looks at her with an expectant expression and finally, she nods.

+++

                The dinner turns out to be a disappointment, more than that, it becomes an almost painful evening when she steps into the room, hanging from Thor’s arm, and discovers that Loki isn’t there. At first, she looks at every corner, almost expecting Loki to step out of the shadows. But he simply isn’t here.

She tries to hide her disappointment, sits in the table and greets Odin and Frigga with all the politeness she can muster. The servants bring the food – an incredible feast that explains Loki’s select tastes – and the conversation starts as Thor explains to her how he defeated Malekith after she fell unconscious. She allows herself to be distracted by the tale and when Thor mentions Loki, she finds the perfect moment to ask after him.

Everyone looks up from their plates and look at her with a frown, “Loki is gone, darling.” Frigga says.

“Gone?” Jane asks, feeling her stomach tying in a knot. “Where?”

“Wherever he pleases. He’s free to roam the nine realms.” Odin says. “I have awarded him his freedom, after the part he played in defeating Malekith.”

“Oh, yes. I am happy for him. He deserves it, I just wasn’t expecting him to leave so fast.” Jane nods, pretending indifference, but the pain she feels isn’t very different to betrayal. _He left you behind, he’s finally free of you –_ the voice in her head is once again insidious and malicious.

“I am afraid he still harbors some resentment towards us.” Frigga says, her eyes showing real sadness. “But he will be back. Time cures everything, doesn’t it?” She says, trying to convince herself as much as the others. Odin squeezes her hand, comforting her.

Jane grabs the utensils too tightly, “I wish he had come to say goodbye.” She says, feeling it is a safe truth.

Thor frowns, “But he came to see you in the infirmary.”

Jane nods, “He just asked if I was feeling well.” She takes a bite of her fish, as if she were eating her own anger.

“Well, that’s Loki for you, unpredictable.” Thor says, with a smile that shows more esteem than resentment.

“Actually, dear, he left a letter for you in your chambers.” Frigga says, looking at her with a tender smile, as if knowing those words would cure Jane’s current hurt feelings.

Jane can’t hide the surprise and relief those words produce in her. “He did?” She asks, and Frigga nods once again, still smiling. Jane smiles back and nods with her head.

The dinner drags for too long and Jane eats every course meal with anxiousness, hoping time will run faster so she can return to her chamber and read the letter. _She needs to know what he says, what he thinks, what he expects from her._ She is a tangle of confused feelings and she doesn’t know what she wants, but she’s sure that knowing his position would help her to decide.

Finally, Thor stands up and offers to walk her to her chamber. Jane nods too effusively and says goodbye to the queen and king with a clumsy gesture that Odin probably hates, but she can’t bring herself to care at the moment.

She just wants to pick up her skirts and run to her bedroom, but Thor seems to be in the mood for a slow walk through the palace halls. As soon as they exit the dinning room, Thor turns to her and asks in a heavy tone:

“I hope you don’t mind, Jane, if I ask you… how did Loki treat you?” Jane can feel how her cheeks blush and she tries to hide her face with her hair, “Was he cruel to you?”

“Cruel? No. Of course not. He isn’t easy, but he isn’t a sadist, Thor.”

“I know that, at least I though I knew that, but he changed so much so suddenly…” Thor showed a small smile, lost in his memories, “Would it surprise you if I tell you that he used to be the diplomatic and rational one? He was always mischievous and hot-tempered, but never violent.”

“He has some emotional issues he needs to sort out, but I don’t think he’s completely lost, Thor.”

Thor smiles, relieved. “I hope you’re right. And thank you for being so patient with him, so understanding.”

“It was my pleasure.” Jane answers in an impulse, and her face turns red when she realizes it was a _literal pleasure_ for her. She wants to tell Thor the truth about her relationship with Loki, but she can’t find the courage. Jane doesn’t want to hurt him, and although she knows it’s inevitable, a part of her feels Loki should be present for such a confession.

They stop in front of closed doors and Jane supposes it’s the chambers she has been assigned, but it seems like Thor hasn’t finished what he wanted to say to her, so she waits impatiently, trying not to think about the letter until she has it in her hands.

“Jane, we've been separated for so long and I..."

Her shoulders tense, she isn’t ready for romantic declarations, so when Thor caresses her cheek, she steps back, putting some distance between them. His hopeful expression suddenly morphs into one of confusion and hurt.

“I am sorry, Thor, I am still a little bit jumpy. Since the aether left my body, I feel always alert and scared of every touch.” It’s an excuse and she knows it, but her words are like a balm to Thor’s hurt feelings, and that’s enough for now.

“Yes, of course. I am sorry. I didn’t mean to…”

“It’s okay. It’s not your fault.” Jane mutters, trying to force a smile. “I am just tired.”

“Then, I wish you a good night, and I hope to see you tomorrow.” Thor says, bending his head as if doing a reverence. Jane can’t only nod, feeling suddenly awkward.

She doesn’t sigh, relieved, until she’s alone inside of her chambers and she can’t hear Thor’s retreating steps anymore. But a new nervousness invades her when she finds the letter on the nightstand. She grabs it with shaking fingers and for a moment, she’s frozen in place, too afraid of the content to open it fast.

 The first thing she notices is that the letter doesn’t contain any endearments, not even ‘Dear Jane.’ And the business-like tone of it infuriates her:

_Jane Foster,_

_The time we have spent in each other’s company, running away from Malekith, gave me some insight of your thoughts and personality, so I don’t have any doubt that you’re currently torturing yourself for the intimacy we shared – which must look to you as a betrayal to Thor._

_You don’t owe me anything – neither affection nor carnal pleasure – and I wrote this letter to you with the hopes of freeing you of any misconception. I don’t expect anything from you and I will ask you for nothing. I understand what we lived was born out of grief and desperation and it would’ve never happened in other circumstances._

_We thought Thor was dead, we thought Asgard was lost forever, and we found a bit of respite in each other. Luckily for everyone, we were wrong in our assumptions – Thor isn’t dead and Asgard isn’t destroyed. Your life can return to what it was before the aether, and I won’t be the obstacle that reminds you of those hard times or that prevents you from enjoying the life you had._

_I won’t tell Thor anything, it can be our secret if that’s what you wish. If you decide to tell him, I am sure he will eventually understand, even if it pains him at first. Before I left, he talked highly of you, and I am sure those feelings won’t be easily killed._

_You are probably reading this letter with more anger than gratitude. If I know you as well as I think I do, you’re probably thinking that I am forgetting about our son. Please don’t doubt that he will always be in my mind, but you don’t need to tie yourself to me just to keep his memory alive, he will always be with us, even if we’re not together. You deserve your freedom, and I won’t be the next monster to incarcerate you. You had enough with the aether._

_I wish you a happy life._

_If you ever marry Thor, maybe in the future we will call each other sister and brother._

_Loki Odinson_

Jane holds the letter tightly, with the strong impulse to break it in small pieces or throw it to the flames. Her anger is as familiar as his excuse. She will never understand how he can be so brave facing his enemies, but so coward when it comes to showing any kind of emotion. He doesn’t want to be rejected, so he takes her choice away from her. _Choose Thor, it will be easier_ – that’s what he’s saying, that’s what she’s hearing, and he’s not wrong.

For a moment, she feels compelled to agree with him, to even try to continue her life as if the last year has never happened. She tries to imagine herself living the future he thinks he’s gifting her but her body, maybe even her soul, immediately rejects it. _Maybe in the future we will call each other sister and brother_ – he had dared to say it, and she can’t think of anything more wrong or disturbing. Does she want to forget about him? No. Does she want to call him brother? Absolutely not. Even the idea of not seeing him again is as unwelcome as the idea of becoming family in the platonic sense, she isn’t ready for a break up, and she isn’t ready to move on.

She drops herself on the bed, suddenly exhausted. She has been sleeping so much since they arrived at Asgard that she shouldn’t be tired, but she is. Maybe she has been using the aether as a source of energy as much as the aether has been feeding from her, and now without it, she feels sick and tired.

She wakes up the next morning very disoriented. She rolls to her side with the intention of spooning Loki, but he isn’t there. The mattress is too long, too soft, too empty. She blinks several times, expecting this new environment to be the dream, hoping that the next time she opens her eyes, she will be back in the cabin. But when she sits up, she’s still in an unfamiliar bedroom in a palace.

She places a hand against her belly, as empty as the bed, and her eyes moisture with unshed tears. She swallows, trying to forget it in the same breath than she tries to treasure the memory. _It killed their baby, it killed their baby_ , a voice in her mind tells her, insistent, and her tears fall down her cheeks.

Someone knocks at the door and Jane takes a deep breath, dries her eyes with her sleeve and tries to talk without sounding like a weeping mess. It’s a guard that informs her that the queen would like to eat breakfast with her. Jane promises she will be ready in ten minutes, and the guard nods and leaves the room. Jane takes three consecutive deep breaths. Why is this so difficult? She wonders. Grief is a curious thing.

+++

Frigga sits in front of a round table, her pale green dress reminding Jane of Loki’s colors and she wonders if it’s a coincidence or something else. Maybe Frigga just wants to dress with the colors of the son she has just lost. With shy movements, Jane sits in front of her and waits for the queen to say something.

“How did you sleep?”

“Very well.” Waking up was the hard part.

“Try these pastries, they’re delicious. Loki loved them when he was a child.”

The mention of Loki makes Jane squint her eyes, she knows this isn’t simply a courtesy invitation. She likes Frigga very much, but she’s aware that she’s the wife of a politician. She wants some information from her, and she won’t be shy about it.

As if reading Jane’s facial expression, Frigga nods. “I don’t think you’re the kind of person who enjoys platitudes. Do you mind if I talk plainly?”

“I prefer it.” Jane says honestly. She has never been good with indirect remarks, she likes her conversations honest and to the point. Although, she has gotten a lot better since she cohabited with Loki.

“I knew you would say that. But please, eat something. You need to get back your strength.” Frigga says. Jane takes a pastry and waits for Frigga to ask her questions. “I asked Eir to do a full medical check on you, to make sure the aether hasn’t damaged any vital organs.”

Jane blinks, that’s not what she was expecting. And for a moment, she fears Frigga will tell her that the aether left her with a cruel memento, like cancer.

“Eir told me that you aborted, recently.”

And Jane can’t suddenly breath. She forces her lungs to function again, slowly but surely. Jane looks up and finds Frigga’s curious gaze. “I didn’t want to. It was the aether…” She can feel her eyes wetting again.

Frigga places a hand on her arm and looks at her with all the tenderness of a mother, “I am sorry. I shouldn’t have asked so brusquely. Losing a son, even one that hasn’t been born, is an inexplicable pain.” Jane nods, in agreement. “But you will like to know that you will be able to have more children, if you want. The aether didn’t cause any permanent damage.”

“Yes, I am so lucky.” Jane says, bitterly.

To Frigga’s credit, she still looks at her with a tender expression. “I am sorry for asking this, Jane, but I need to know: Was that baby a grandchild of mine?”

Jane should’ve expected such a question, but it still renders her speechless. After holding her stare for several seconds, she nods, a little bit embarrassed. To her surprise, Frigga simply smiles, sadly.

“I would’ve liked to be a grandmother.” She mutters, lost in a daydream.

“I am sorry. I don’t really know how it happened, we only had each other and we…” Jane shakes her head, not knowing what to say or why she’s apologizing.

“You don’t have to explain. I am not judging you.”

“I suppose it doesn’t matter. He’s gone.”

“Not so far away that you can’t follow him.” Frigga says, shaking her head. “If that’s what you want.”

Jane looks at her with confusion. “Do you mean you know where he is?”

“Yes. He came to say goodbye, told me where he was planning to go. That’s unusual for him, but I think this time he wanted to make sure he could be found.” Frigga smiles, and Jane feels her heart beating with hope.

“Where is he?” Her eyes wait for the answer with hunger. She needs to know with an urgency that scares her.

“In the same place he has been this last year.”

“Our cabin?” Jane asks, surprised. She stands up, pushed by those surprising words. She starts to wonder how to get there, would Heimdall allow her to…?

Frigga interrupts her thoughts, “Are you planning to go right now?” Frigga asks, the amusement in her voice reminds her of Loki. “I was going to say that you should decide fast because he’s an impatient man, and he won’t wait forever, but it seems like you have already decided.”

“Yes. No. I mean, I don’t know. I just need to talk to him, know where we stand…”

“To make an informed decision, that’s clever of you. But please, before you leave, talk to Thor.”

Jane nods, embarrassed now for her lies of omission. “Yes. I was going to, but it’s a difficult conversation.”

“The most important ones always are.” Frigga says, wisely. Jane nods once again, and now she isn’t only dreading her conversation with Thor, but with Loki as well.

+++

Thor invites her to walk in the gardens, and Jane immediately accepts, knowing it’s the best opportunity to make her confession. She abhors the idea of hurting Thor, and how inevitable it is. Thor is sharing with her an anecdote from his days on the battlefield, but Jane isn’t really listening. She feels her stomach contract painfully and that familiar voice in her head tells her it’s the moment.

“Thor. I am sorry, I need to tell you something important.” She says, interrupting him. Thor stops in his tracks and looks at her with a worried expression.

“Do you feel sick?”

“What? No. It isn’t about my health. It’s about Loki.”

“Loki.” He says, and he makes a face, as if her mentioning his brother’s name gave him a bittersweet taste. “So he did something to you.”

“No. Yes. Nothing I didn’t want him to do.” She flinches, this isn’t what she intended to say. “We were together, Thor. In the biblical sense.” Jane tells him, and immediately realizes that he probably doesn’t know what ‘in the biblical sense’ means. “We were lovers.” She adds. And it still doesn’t feel completely truthful. They were something more, weren’t they? Family, even.

Thor’s expression immediately darkens, and he looks at the floor. His shoulders tense, his whole body seems petrified.

Jane feels the need to dampen his pain, if it’s even possible. “We thought you were dead. We thought Asgard was lost forever. We thought we only had each other….” Her voice trembles.

Thor looks up, locking his eyes with hers. “You thought I was dead.” He says, hopeful, as if her words were a soothing reminder. Jane nods. “And you felt lonely.”

“Yes. That’s it. That’s why it started, Thor.” She says, hoping he understands that he wasn’t lacking, that he didn’t do anything wrong that pushed her into his brother’s arms.

“You’re here, and he left.” Thor says in a whisper. He takes a step, closing the distance between them, and holds her hands. “I can forgive and forget, Jane. We will pretend it never happened. He left you here with me, so that means he doesn’t intend to separate us. That’s a good sign.”

The reminder that Loki left her behind feels like a painful stab, even when she understands that Loki is trying to give her a choice. It still feels like abandonment. “No, Thor. I can’t just forget it."

Thor frowns, confused. “What are you saying? You love him?”

“Maybe. Yes. I don’t know. Perhaps I just got used to him, because I don’t like waking up without him by my side and I need to see where this would take us.” Thor drops her hands, surprised by her words. _He deserves the whole truth_ , she thinks, even when she doesn’t want to talk about it. “We were going to have a son together.”

Thor steps back, as if she had slapped him. “A son?”

“The aether killed him before he was born, but we had decided to have him. To become a family... so I can’t just forget _everything_ and be again the Jane you knew back then. I am not the same person.” Jane waits for Thor to say something, but he’s speechless. “You have all the right in the world to feel betrayed and angry.”

Thor shakes his head and when he looks at her, he seems angry. But his anger isn’t directed at her, “And he just left you without even saying goodbye?”

Jane bites her lips, “His letter was his goodbye. I think, in his own way, he thought he was doing the _right thing_ allowing me to go back to you. He loves himself so little that he probably thought I would want to get rid of him.”

“And what do you want to do?”

“I want to go to him, I want to give us a try.” Jane fidgets, “I am sorry. I can imagine that’s not what you want to hear.”

Thor nods, accepting the truth, and he puts a hand on her shoulder. “I am sorry for your son.” Jane nods with tearful eyes. “Go to him.”

+++

 It has only been days since she stepped out of that cabin in the woods, but she’s still surprised to see that it remains the same. She feels so different inside - the aether is gone, the fear is gone, the uncertainty is gone and her own determination energizes her, so she has expected in some way that her surroundings would change as much as her inner world has done. For the first time in several months, she knows what she wants.

She’s choking in her own anxiousness and for a moment she fears Loki won’t be inside. What if he left? What if she’s too late? But she sighs, relieved, when she recognizes his figure, sitting in a chair with his back to her. And for a brief moment, it feels like any other day. Jane steps into the cabin, not knowing what to say or how to draw his attention – but it’s not necessary, because he immediately hears her steps and turns around.

Their eyes find each other, and their breaths freeze in their throats. Suddenly, everything is still, as if they were the inanimate characters of a painting. Finally, he breaks the silence.

“What are you doing here?”

She swallows, tries to pretend that this moment won’t define their future, and shrugs. “It’s Tuesday. It’s my turn to cook.”

Loki raises an eyebrow, and Jane simply walks to him, kisses him in the lips and moves to the kitchen – as she has done so many times before. This is their routine, this is a safe haven. But this time, Loki follows her to the kitchen and she stops doing as if her full attention was focused on the pans and bowls she needs, because the truth is that every pore of her body is aware of his presence.

She doesn’t need to look at him to know that he’s still waiting for an answer to his question. What are you doing here? He asked, and the answer isn’t easy.

“Stop choosing what’s best for me. I can decide on my own.”

“And what have you chosen?”

She turns around, rag in hands. “You. I choose you. Is that what you wanted to hear or what you feared to hear?” Jane asks. He doesn’t answer and that infuriates her. “I need to know if you want me here or if I am burden for you.”

She knows he will deny any affection, that he isn’t ready for love confessions, so she doesn’t know what she expects him to say and the wait seems eternal, “You’re always welcome here. This is your home.”

It may seem like very little for most people, but it’s everything to her. This is her home. He’s her home. She takes a deep breath, as if he had just confessed the most ardent love, and she hides her face in his chest to sniff the smell of leather from his armor. She doesn’t feel any painful burning inside of her, but the closeness of his body still soothes her.

This is a beginning.

“Good.” She mutters, while Loki surrounds her with his arms. She looks up at him, “We will take it slowly, but I want to get to know you. Really know you. You can’t veto any of my questions, if this is going to work, we can’t have secrets.”

“You want to know why I attacked New York.”

“Among other things.” She mutters, her lips still against his chest.

He doesn’t answer, but he kisses the crown of her head. For now, that’s enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts? I hope it was at least entertaining. Everyone is alive - You can't get a happier ending than that. (Thor is heartbroken, thought. Nah, he will get over it!)
> 
> Question: Is this too cheesy? Do Jane's feelings read as too intense suddenly?

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked it, or at least are intrigued. Reviews are always appreciated.


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